Lost without you
by Banksiesbabe99
Summary: COMPLETE “Do you think my mom’s watching us”? His question in all innocence, shocked me. At 8 years old, he very rarely asked about his mother, not really remembering much about her. He’d asked a few questions about her, but he just didn’t seem as thou
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer : I don't own anything so there!

Chapter 1

_**Here I was, at 29 years of age, a wife, a step mother and a mother. You might be asking how I can be all 3, well it's quite simple really…**_

"Lights out Jonah". I said softly, as I entered the room of my step son, pulling the covers higher still, then turning on his night light, before turning out the main light. "Night". I whispered, leaning over and pecking his forehead gently.

"Connie"? His child like voice beckoned me.

"Yeah"? I turned in the doorway, the light from the landing behind me, shining on his innocent face.

"Do you think my mom's watching us"? His question in all innocence, shocked me.

At 8 years old, he very rarely asked about his mother, not really remembering much about her. He'd asked a few questions about her, but he just didn't seem as though he had any to ask as both me and his father made sure he remembered her. I often wondered why he didn't feel the need to know more about her, but daren't push it any further. I suppose I knew he'd ask more one day, a day where he'd understand everything much easier.

He had her looks, with every day, he grew more and more like her, not only in looks but he had her ways. Even as a young child, he seemed to have her way of sorting problems out – thinking about it, weighing up the pro's and con's before deciding either against the decision or for it.

It had been hard at first, more on Jonah's father than anything. He could barely look at Jonah, I suppose scared of admitting that he was going to have to raise his son on is own, the way Jonah seemed to resemble everything his mother was, he was grief stricken, yet trying to remain strong for everyone including himself.

It had all started about 8 years ago…

My best friend was 6 months pregnant, with her first child. Both fresh out of college, she had settled for the mother to be lifestyle, staying at home cooking, being the dutiful housewife. I on the other hand wanted more, I was ready to take on the world. I had graduated college, majoring in photography, and headed straight into my first job as a professional photographer. I loved every minute of it, I got on well with my assistant, however my boss was always uptight about my work.

We had gone to Minnesota college, along with her then boyfriend and husband Charlie Conway. The two had been dating since sophomore year of high school, and were absolutely inseparable. I often felt like the third wheel with them, well that was until I met my then husband Miles Ryan. Charlie was now, what he'd always wanted to be - a professional hockey player, playing for the Minnesota Wild, whilst Miles was a law intern with my old team the ducks, first sponsor Ducksworth, Savor and Grose.

_**FLASHBACK**_

"Ladies and Gentleman, that's a wrap". I shouted over the loud music that was being played in the studio.

"Connie, that can't be a wrap, you've hardly shot anything. You don't seem to realize these are some of my top clients". My boss Jonathan hissed in my ear.

"Jonathan, do you trust me"? I asked, smiling toward the clients, who were looking dubious thanks to Jonathan's fussing.

"Not really, but I suppose that's why I hired you". He rubbed his temple in stress.

"Thanks… I think". I laughed. "I'll be back in about an hour with the finished product". And with that, I dragged Xander, my assistant with me, to the dark room.

I got on really well with Xander. He had been working with Jonathan's company for nearly 5 years, and boy, there was a lot of experience in those 5 years. Often while we were in the dark room, he would tell his 'dark' tales, of how Jonathan enticed new clients. Sometimes I knew he was joking, sometimes, he was deadly serious.

"So, the honeymoon bliss over yet"? Xander asked, as he began pouring the liquids into their dishes.

"Well that depends how you look at it". I winked mischievously at him.

"Oh, what it was to be young and in love". He said in his reminiscent tone.

"Come on Xander, you aren't exactly over the hill". I nudged him.

"The hill is in full view though. They say life begins at 40, well whatever jerk came up with that, I'd like to kill". He chuckled.

"Yeah, but you have a beautiful wife and 3 gorgeous kids. You've got it made". I told him, just as my cell phone started ringing. Xander grabbed it for me, whilst I wiped my hands on the cloth, ridding them of the strong smelling liquids I had been using. "Hello"? I answered.

"Is this Connie Ryan"? I was asked, I was about to say no, when I realized they were using my married name, it still felt weird answering to it.

"Speaking". I replied.

"This is Minnesota Memorial Hospital calling". Panic struck right away. "We have a patient under the name Julie Conway here, she's requested we call you to ask you to come to the hospital".

"Is she ok? What's happened"? My hands were shaking, and I suddenly felt sick, hoping that there was nothing seriously wrong with her or the baby.

"I'm sorry, I can't give information like that over the phone, are you available to come"?

"Yeah, yeah, sure. I'll be there right away". I put the phone down hastily. "Xander, I have to go. Julie's been taken to hospital, and Charlie's away with the team". I began babbling, whilst rushing around for my car keys and jacket.

"Whoa, whoa, slow down there. Ok, take a deep breath, Julie will be fine. I'll finish up here, and give the finished product to Jonathan for him to present to the clients". Xander soothed.

"Thank you. You are the greatest". I told him before making a mad dash for the parking lot.

All the way over there, I was trying to convince myself it wasn't anything serious. I was agitated and just about every single other driver was annoying. I must have been doing well over the speed limit, and to be truthful, I was probably far from in control of my actions. I was going through a mental list of ways I could contact Charlie if needs must. One thought after the other plummeted into my mind, everything from death, to labor was in there. I was half tempted to call Charlie now and get him to come straight home, but then common sense prevailed and I knew that if I did, it would probably be nothing and I would be worrying him for nothing.

"C'mon, put your bloody foot down". I cursed the driver in front, willing him to speed up.

Finally, with many more cursing of other drivers, I rolled up outside the ER, luckily finding a parking space immediately, and parking init, far from the way they taught us in driver's ed, but I didn't care. I ran into the building as though any second Julie could be taking her last breath, and I wasn't there with her.

I impatiently waited in the queue at the reception, knowing that other people were just as desperate as myself. I fidgeted my way to the front of the queue, where a friendly looking nurse was manning the desk.

"How can I help you"? She asked, as though this were the best place to be, which of course in an emergency it was, but in so many more cases it wasn't.

"Um, Hi, yeah, I've just been called about my friend". I spoke quickly and still out of breath from my exhilarating journey here.

"What's your friends name". She turned to the computer, ready to type the name in.

"Julie Conway". I said quickly.

"Ok, let's see". She typed it in, and waited for the results. "She's been moved up to the 3rd floor".

"Thank you". I said hurriedly, as I made a dash for the elevators.

All the way up to the 3rd floor in the elevator, my left legs was twitching compulsively, and the more I thought about it, the faster it seemed to twitch. The journey up seemed to take forever, and seconds later, my right foot began tapping. Finally after what seemed ages, the elevator pinged an the doors opened, letting me get out. I walked briskly down to the end of the corridor to the nurses station. The nurse behind the desk looked up at me, as soon as I got there, and directed me to the room where Julie was. Upon finding out where she was, I dashed to her room, barging in, to find Julie sat up in a bed, looking perfectly healthy.

"Jules, oh my God, what's wrong"? I ran to her bedside, giving her a huge relieved hug. "Are you ok? Is the baby ok"?

"Yes, we're both fine. I just fainted in the shopping mall, that's all". She answered simply.

"That's all, that's all"? I questioned. "There's a reason why you faint Julie". My voice peaked his normal steady tone to a high pitched one.

"Fainting is quite normal for pregnant women Connie". She answered simply.

"So if fainting is quiet normal Jules, why are you still here, laid on a hospital bed"?

"Arh, you must be Mrs. Ryan. I'm Doctor Manners, I've been treating Mrs. Conway". A young female doctor walked in with a clip board.

"Hi". I greeted the doctor. "So what's wrong with her"? I asked.

"Oh nothing too serious. She simply fainted. A lot of pregnant women, especially those who are first time mothers to be, faint. It's simply that their hormones are going a little hectic". The doctor told us.

"See". Julie gloated, looking at me, with the classic, I told you so expression.

"However, one more big reason is because, as the pregnancy progresses, the mother seems to neglect the fact that they are eating AND drinking for 2". The doctor continued, a small smile playing on her lips. "This may not be the case with you Julie, but we would like to keep you in, just over night, to get some more fluid into you. We've also taken some blood, just to test, to make sure there isn't anything wrong with you".

"See". I gloated back.

"I'll leave you two alone". Dr Manners, excused herself.

"Thank you Doctor". I turned and smiled, whilst watching her leave the room. "Do you want me to call Charlie or something"? I asked. I was unsure what to do.

"NO. Don't call Charlie. He has a game tonight, if he knows he won't be able to focus on the game". She told me.

"I'm pretty sure he'll be more concerned by the fact that his wife is in hospital". I argued.

"Look, you can call him later, but please, not until after the game". She replied sternly.

"Ok, ok, I won't call Charlie until later. Are you sure you're ok though"? I looked at her critically, hoping I could tell if she was lying.

"Yes I'm fine. Honestly". She reached up for my hand and gave it a squeeze. #

_**END FLASHBACK**_

She was telling the truth, then. There had been nothing seriously wrong with her. Though the way Charlie acted when he rushed home after the game, you'd have thought she was seriously ill. 3 months later she gave birth to a perfectly healthy baby boy – Jonah Shane Conway. After Jonah was born, Charlie was given 3 months paternal leave, of which he spent very waking minute with his wife and newborn son.

I watched them with a slight pang of jealousy, though I still was definitely not ready to start my own family. However, I knew that once I was ready, I wanted to be just like Julie and Charlie.

So, what do you think? PLEASE R&R!!!!


	2. Chapter 2

Disclaimer : I don't own nowt!

HOCKEYGIRL90 : Thanks for the support and review. CHEERS MI DEARS!!!!

MOSHIMORO6785 : Thanks for your confidence in the story. Actually Connie isn't only going to be with an OC, there's a few little twists in this story. Personally I'm really excited about this one, I think it might end up being my best story up to date lol. Anyways thanks for the support and review. CHEERS MI DEARS!!!!

A : I'm glad you're enjoying the story. Well you'll have to read on to find out if you guessed right or not won't you lol. Anyways thanks for the support and review. CHEERS MI DEARS!!!!

KATIE : Hey up! I honestly don't know where I keep getting my ideas from, they just seem to come to me, then continue to bug me until I start writing them lol. You, under confident, NEVER lol. I've read some of your stuff, and it's great. Think of it this way, the worst that can happen is that only I review lol. Anyways thanks for the support and review. CHEERS MI DEARS!!!!

_**MERRY CHRISTMAS AND A HAPPY NEW YEAR TO EVERYONE! HAVE A GREAT 2005 – wow how weird is it writing that lol – THANKS FOR READING MY STORY : ) **_

Chapter 2

"Yeah, I like to think she is? An you know what"? I said, going back into the room and sitting next to him on the bed. "Sometimes I know she's still around". I tried explaining as best I could to him.

"How'd you mean"? He looked up at me, his eyes wide.

"Well, what I mean is, when I look at you, I can see her. You are so much like her in so many ways Jonah. And sometimes, when I'm trying to make a decision about something, I can almost hear what she thinks". I began. "She'll always be a part of you, she'll always be with you, no matter where you go, because she's right here". I pointed to his heart. "You understand a little better"?

"I think so". He answered in his childlike tone. "So I won't ever forget her"?

"Never. You will never ever forget her". I promised.

"Night Connie". He finally said, slipping deeper under the covers.

"Night Jonah". I kissed him one last time, before leaving the room.

_**FLASHBACK**_

Jonah was about 6 months old now. In the past 6 months, we'd had the fantastic news that Adam Banks was transferring to the Minnesota wilds, reuniting him with Charlie. I'd been really busy with work, yet had managed to have a few romantic weekends away with Miles.

Charlie was off traveling somewhere with the team, though he rang constantly to check that both Julie and Jonah were ok. Whilst ever he was away, I made sure to pop in, if anything just to give Julie some adult conversation. Even mothers needed a break from their children. More so this time, as the last time I had seen her, a few days ago, she had looked as though she was coming down with the flu or something.

"It's only me Jules". I shouted as I let myself in.

"Hey". She greeted me, as I walked into the living room, where she sat nursing Jonah.

"Hey". I replied. "And how's my favorite little guy"? I asked, cooing over the sleeping Jonah.

"Actually, he's a pain in the butt today". Julie answered, as she passed him to me.

As soon as the words exited her mouth, I knew she still wasn't feeling right. I had never heard Julie complain about Jonah's mood swings before. Usually, she laughed them off, commenting that he was definitely like his father. But today was different. She had darkness around her eyes, as though she hadn't slept in over a week, she looked older than she should, and her skin looked pale and slightly clammy.

"You feeling ok Jules"? I asked, concern obviously written all over my face, of which she must have noticed straight away.

"Yeah, yeah. I'm just really tired. Jonah kept me up half the night, Charlie the other half and I think I'm still aching for a bit of flu". She answered.

"Do you want me to take Jonah tonight, give you a break"? I asked, though I kind of knew the answer.

"No, no it's ok. You have work tomorrow, you need sleep more than I do". She yawned.

"Look's like it". I replied.

"I'll be fine, I promise". She smiled at me, as I put Jonah down in his basinet.

"Well if you're sure". I left the offer open.

"Yeah, I'm sure. Do you want a coffee"? She asked getting up.

"No, it's ok, I'll get it". I got up after her.

Suddenly, Julie grabbed for something to hold onto, and the only thing being me. Her breathing became rapidly labored, her cold hand gripped mine, as her whole body suddenly became very limp and heavy. Without even giving it a second thought, I laid her down on the floor as gently as I could, before kneeling over her, saying her name whilst gently tapping her face, like you see in the movies when someone faints, it had no effect what so ever. My mind was racing, trying grasp any idea of what I could do.

"JULIE, C'MON DON'T DO THIS TO ME", I screamed, whilst shaking her body violently.

My screaming woke Jonah, who too screamed along with me. It quickly became obvious that my screaming and shaking were doing nothing, and I quickly stumbled to my feet, before fumbling around for the phone, the whole time ignoring Jonah's pitiful screams of fright. My hands were visibly shaking as I dialed for an ambulance.

"911, what service do you need"? A calm voice asked.

"Um, my friend, she's I don't know, she just passed out or something". I panicked, fear racking my body.

"Ok, ok, calm down. What is your address"? She asked, her voice still calm.

"I can't remember, it's not my house". I wept, unable to think of the address that they had lived at for the passed 2 years. "Um, it's um, 74 Steiner street". I finally managed to blurt out.

"Ok, we have an ambulance on the way to you. It'll be with in a few minutes". Her tone never changed.

"What do I do"? I felt like I was 10 year old again.

"Is your friend breathing"? I was asked.

"What, um, I don't know". I babbled.

"Ok, what I want you to do, is just kneel by her side, put your ear to her mouth and listen and feel for any sign of breathing ok".

"Ok". I mumbled, taking out her instructions. After a few seconds, I could hear a very labored breathing. "Yes, she's breathing, but it doesn't sound too good". I cried.

"Don't worry about that too much right now, as long as she's breathing. What you need to do now, is roll her onto her side, putting the arm nearest to the floor at a 45 degree angle, placing the hand under her head, can you do that"?

"I think so". I blubbered.

I carried out what she told me to do, might I add crying the whole time. After I'd done that, I picked the phone back up, telling her I had done it. She then told me, I was to go and try calm Jonah down, but not to leave Julie on her own. I was on autopilot, not thinking about anything, just doing exactly what she told me. I laid Jonah in my arms, swinging him gently from side to side, whilst whispering to him that he was ok, and God knows what else, though my eyes never left Julie's vegetated state.

I suddenly heard sirens, and carefully placed Jonah back in his basinet, where he continued whimpering, but not like the screams he was emitting before. I grabbed the phone whilst dashing to the front door, opening it wide, just as the ambulance pulled up at the curbside.

"They're here, they're here". I shouted into the phone. "Thank you". I said, before putting the phone down.

I lead the way into the living room, watching with eagle eyes as they headed straight for Julie. I kept a safe distance, so as not to get in there way. I rocked Jonah's bassinet gently, silencing him even more.

"What's her name"? The older paramedic asked.

"Julie". I answered quickly.

"Can you tell me what happened honey"? He asked, still tending to Julie.

"Um, she got up to make a me a drink, and I told her to stay there, I'd do it, but she'd already got up. Then she went all funny, breathing heavy, then just went like this". I explained loosely.

"Julie honey, if you can hear me, squeeze my hand". He turned his full attention to her.

Both he an the other paramedic, muttered medical terms to each other, before the older one turned to me, telling me that they were going to take Julie to hospital, and that if I wanted to ride along with them, to get my things ready. I didn't need telling twice, grabbed my cell phone and Julie's set of keys, then Jonah's nappy bag, and finally Jonah. By the time I was ready, the paramedics, were just wheeling Julie out and into the back of the ambulance. I climbed into the back of the ambulance, Jonah in my arms, watching as they secured Julie in. Within seconds, the sirens were turned on, and we were speeding toward the hospital. Jonah cried a few more times, but quietened as soon as I began rocking again.

At the hospital, Julie was pulled out, and I instinctively followed, struggling to keep up with them, as I held Jonah securely, and his nappy bag banging on the back of my leg. Suddenly a young male nurse stood in front of me, gesturing for me to go this way. He showed me into a private room, where I put the nappy bag down on the floor, then sat myself down, still grasping Jonah as tight as I dare.

"Would you like a baby seat for him"? The nurse asked.

"Huh"? I looked up at him. "Oh yeah, that'd be great, thanks". I mumbled, as he scurried away, returning 5 minutes later, with a baby seat. I placed Jonah in it, and strapped him in, so he couldn't get out.

"Is there anyone you'd like us to ring for you"? He asked.

"Um, I have to call my husband, and um, Julie's husband". I stuttered.

"Would you like us to"?

"Um, no, no it's ok. Could you watch Jonah for a few minutes for me"? I asked.

The nurse said he'd keep an eye on him for a few minutes, whilst I went outside and called Miles and Charlie. I hated leaving Jonah with a complete stranger, but dragging him outside with me, would just disturb him, and possible cause more crying from him. Once outside, I dialed Mile' cell phone number and waited for him to answer.

"Hey sweetie, what's up"? He answered the phone.

"I'm at the hospital Miles". I began crying, feeling all the past hours events weighing heavy on my shoulders.

"Why, what's, what's wrong"? He panicked straightaway.

"It's Julie, she's collapsed or something, I don't know, the doctors with her now".

"Ok. It's ok, I'm gonna get there as soon as I can". He promised, before putting the phone down.

Next I dialed Charlie's number. I wasn't exactly sure what to tell him, if I said too much, he'd panic, if I didn't say enough, he might not take me seriously. Then there was what I needed to say. I didn't have a clue what was wrong with her, so telling him that was out of the question.

"Hey Connie". He answered the phone. He sounded pretty cheerful, and I could vaguely hear Adam shouting his greeting to me in the back ground.

"Charlie listen, you have to come home". I began, trying to remain calm, though it was incredibly difficult.

"Why? What's wrong? Is it Jonah"? He immediately began panicking.

"No, no, Jonah's fine. It's Julie". I told him.

"What's wrong"?

"I don't know. She just passed out or something. I'm at the hospital".

"I'll be there as soon as I can". And with that, he put the phone down.

_**END FLASHBACK**_

As I sat down on my bed, staring at the wall, I could remember putting he phone down outside the hospital, and breaking down in tears. I must have stood there for about 10 minutes, just crying, scared out of my wits.

So, what do you think. PLEASE R&R!!!!


	3. Chapter 3

Disclaimer : I don't own anything so there!

_**HAPPY NEW YEAR TO EVERYONE!!! I was kinda hoping this would be the first mighty ducks fic updated in 2005, but who cares! PARTY ON PEOPLE!!!!!!!!**_

Chapter 3

As I sat on my bed, the events of that day came flying back to me. The fear, that took over. It felt as though it was only yesterday, instead of the 7 and half years it had really been.

_**FLASHBACK **_

After I had calmed myself down, I made my way back to the nurse and Jonah. On my entrance, the nurse told me, that he had to get back to work, but he'd pop in a little while, if there was any news. I nodded, and sat close to Jonah, watching his steady breathing. Once the nurse had left, there was nothing but silence, and it slightly un-nerved me, making me feel lonely and helpless. Eventually, I got up and started pacing the room, impatiently, unable to settle. I'm surprised I didn't wear the carpet out, but I couldn't help it.

After a few minutes, Jonah started whimpering again. I tried ignoring him at first, hoping that he'd settle back down. But within seconds, he'd entered full tantrum mode. He was screaming that much, his little chubby round face started turning red. I immediately picked him up, bouncing him gently on my hip. When that didn't work, I tried rocking him. Nothing seemed to work, and I soon found myself crying with him.

"I know you want your mommy, I want your mommy too". I wept.

After about 10 minutes of us both crying, I began to worry that I wasn't going to be able to calm him down. I tried checking all the obvious things – his diaper, his bottle, his dummy – none of them seemed to work, and he continued crying.

"Hey, I got here as fast as I could". Miles dashed into the room. He stepped closer to me, kissing me gently, before looking at Jonahs red face. "What's wrong with the little guy"? He asked.

"I don't know, I just can't get him to settle down". I replied.

"Here, let me try". Miles took Jonah from my grasp as I set off pacing the room again. "What's all the noise for then little guy"? Miles talked soothingly to Jonah. After a few minutes, Jonah calmed down considerably, giggling at the faces Miles was pulling. "You were probably just too uptight with him hun". He told me after he'd put Jonah back down in the seat.

"Oh, I'm so sorry for being worried". I snapped angrily. "Sorry". I apologized a second later, as I wiped my tears away.

"Just calm down baby. She'll be fine". He tried comforting me.

"Miles I can't calm down. That's best friend in there. If anything happens to her, I don't know what I'll do". I wept, but pulled from his arms and continued pacing the room.

"Nothings gone happen to her. Think positively. Thinking like this isn't going to help Julie". He argued.

I didn't answer him. I suppose in my head, I knew he was right, but I couldn't bring myself to admit it. But my heart told me differently. Call it a sixth sense if you like, but I knew Julie, I knew her better than I knew myself, and I knew that there was something seriously wrong with her.

Miles sat down next to Jonah's seat, and began rocking him gently with his foot, whilst watching me skeptically, as I paced back and forth, every so often stopping and parting the blinds with my fingers and peeping out.

"Have you called Charlie"? Miles asked eventually.

"Yeah".

"What state is he in"?

"Um, Wisconsin I think". I answered. "He should be here in a few hours".

We sat in silence for a while. I had nothing to say, and I suppose he knew anything he did say wouldn't do any good, as I was in no mood for 'calming' down. The longer we waited, the more frantic I got, and the more I knew there was something more serious going on, otherwise the doctor would have been before now.

An hour later, no-one had been to see me. The nurse from earlier, had popped in a few times, saying that there was no news, as yet. I was getting more impatient, and poor Miles was suffering. It seemed as though, every time he said anything, I snapped my response to him, then apologizing for my short fuse. He said he understood, but it left me feeling guilty, but that guilt was soon forgotten every time a doctor or nurse seemed to head this way.

Thankfully, half an hour later, a doctor came in to see us. He didn't say anything about Julie's condition, just that she was awake, however we wouldn't be able to see her for a while as she was just heading upstairs for some tests. I couldn't decide whether this new bit of information helped calm me or hindered the whole process. Telling me that she was having to have tests, didn't exactly help, as I then knew that there was something wrong with her. After telling everything that he was allowed to tell a 'non relative', the doctor disappeared, leaving us again, to sit in wait.

"WHERE IS SHE"? Charlie burst in the room, 15 minutes after the doctor had been.

"The doctors sent her up for some tests". I dashed to him, plunging into his arms, as we embraced each other tightly.

I hugged Adam tightly, as Charlie greeted Miles and reached for Jonah. It was now more than ever, that I finally felt a little bit of relief. Relief that Charlie was here, and would find out more from the doctors than they were willing to tell me.

"What happened"? Charlie turned to me, his eyes looking at me, in a way they never had before.

"Um, well, it was um". I began stuttering and stumbling to find the right words.

His eyes were more intense, as though he was trying to read my mind. He held he gaze, which turned more into an impatient stare. The harder he stared at me, the more he put me off. He looked angry, yet there was something about the way he stood that made me feel his panic, his uneasiness, his worry.

Adam who must have sensed my uneasiness, placed his hand on my shoulder, and gave it a slight squeeze. Even though he was stood at my side, I knew he was staring back at Charlie, much in a similar way to what Charlie was doing to me. The whole time, Miles stood on the sidelines, watching from a distance, much like he had always done, whenever anything involved multiple ducks.

"Connie, calm down, take your time". Adam gave me one last encouraging squeeze, whilst still staring at Charlie.

"I um, I popped round after work. She was sat nursing Jonah, and she looked so tired, so I took him off her, and put him in his basinet. I knew there was something wrong because she complained that he'd kept her up half the night. I'd never heard her talk about him like that before. As soon as she said it, she said she didn't mean it like that. She um, she got up to make me a drink". Tears formed in my eyes as I recollected the memories. "I followed her, telling her I'd do it, but she um, she went funny, and grabbed me. Then I don't know, she just went unconscious or something". My hands were shaking. Tears were really pouring now. "I'm sorry Charlie, I tried, I tried so hard to get her to wake up, but she just wouldn't, and I didn't know what else to do".

"It's ok, it's ok, you did the right thing". He stepped to me, his long arms encircling my shoulders, as he hugged me tightly.

"Mrs. Ryan"? The doctor entered the room. I immediately jumped away from Charlie, knowing he had news.

"Yeah". I answered desperately. "Oh, um, this is Julie's husband Charlie". I told him knowing they'd tell him more than me.

"Mr. Conway. I'm Doctor Moorhead, I've been treating your wife". He stepped further in the room.

"How is she, is she ok"? Charlie asked, panicked.

"She's just come back from having some more tests done. Would you like to come and see her"? He asked.

With that Charlie left, following the Doctor, to see Julie. I looked at Adam, and could tell he was thinking the same as me. Were we supposed to be worried or relieved? Worried maybe because Julie had, had to have tests, and I suppose relieved that she was finally awake, and that Charlie was here.

"Listen, now that we know Julie's ok, I'm gonna get off, it's pretty late, and I'm up early tomorrow". Miles declared. A quick glance at my watch told me it was nearing 11pm. I had been at the hospital for over 5 hours.

"Ok. I'm gonna hang around a little longer, until we know what's wrong with her". I replied, turning my attention to my husband.

"Where did you leave your car"? He asked.

"Oh, um it's at Charlie's. I came in the ambulance with Julie". I answered.

"Ok, well when you want to leave give me a call and I'll come get you". He told me.

"Don't worry about it. I'll make sure she gets home". Adam spoke up from behind me.

"You sure". I turned, doubling checking.

"Sure I'm sure". He answered.

"Thanks man". Miles said, then turned back to me. "Ok, I'll see you later". He leant in and kissed me gently.

"I'll walk you out". I grasped his hand, and walked side by side out of the hospital. "Thanks for coming today. Jonah would probably still be crying and I'd have probably had a nervous breakdown". I stopped and tugged gently on his hand making him turn to face me.

"Don't worry about it". He stepped a little closer. "I love you". He said, then gave me one last kiss, before letting me go and turning toward the parking lot.

"I love you too". I said, as I watched him go.

_**END FLASHBACK**_

I remember going back inside, and sitting with Adam and Jonah for about an hour, until Charlie reappeared. He said that Julie was fine, and that she'd fallen asleep. The test results hadn't come back yet but the doctor would come and tell them as soon as they did. I remember making the conscious decision to wait around until the tests results came. After about half an hour Charlie disappeared going back to sit with Julie, so that she wouldn't wake up alone.

However, I can't remember falling asleep leaning against Adam's broad shoulders, or Adam too falling asleep, leaning right back on me. I do however remember, being awoken by Jonah's shrill cries. I settled him straight away, and sat back beside the now awake Adam.

Charlie came in a few minutes later, telling us he'd popped in a few times to find us asleep. He then told us that they'd got the test results an hour and they were all clear. He asked me if I'd mind taking Jonah home, as he was going to stay a little longer with Julie so she wasn't alone.

I complied to his wishes and Adam took us. He stayed with me, as I made us both something to eat. It was easily 3am, and we decided that there was no point in going back to sleep, so just sat up talking until around 6am, when Charlie came home.

So what do you think? PLEASE R&R!!!!


	4. Chapter 4

Disclaimer : I don't own anything so there!

_**XSARAH : It's just wishful thinking then is it lol. I promise though I'm not too cruel to her lol. Anyways thanks for the support and review. CHEERS MI DEARS!!!!**_

_**MOSHIMORO6785 : Ohh the suspense lol. Having it an Adam/Connie? Now is that you wishful thinking? Lol. Either way I ain't saying ; ) lol. Anyways thanks for the support and review. CHEERS MI DEARS!!!!**_

Chapter 4

To this day, I can clearly remember Charlie informing us that the test results were clear. I remember the relief as he explained that Julie had said the Doctors told her, that her passing out, was probably due to exhaustion and not eating enough of the right foods.

I remember sitting on the edge of the bed, much like I was now, and talking for hours on end with her when she came home. I had taken a week off from work so I could help Charlie with Jonah, as he was still needed for games, though his coach was being more than lenient with practices.

Things soon got back to normal, and before we knew it, it was coming up to my 2 year anniversary with Miles. Jonah was just over a year and half old, walking and unfortunately talking, or rather shouting. Though he hadn't yet grasped any idea of conversing yet.

_**FLASHBACK**_

"Say, Mommy's pretty". I sat Jonah on my knee as we watched Julie try on a few outfits for my anniversary meal/party we were having the following day for close friends and family to celebrate.

"Say, Mooommie's pwetty". Jonah babbled, whilst blowing raspberry's. Obviously bored with the whole shopping trip.

"Arr, thank you baby". Julie smiled, her eyes sparkling proudly as she watched her son. Though she knew enough to stay out of his reach whilst wearing the outfit she'd tried on. "I think I prefer this one". She told me. Referring to the last 3 outfits she'd tried.

"You know what. I think I do too". I replied.

"I'm gonna take it". She declared, as she turned round and went back into the dressing room, to put her own clothes back on.

"Are you bored Jonah"? I asked, turning my attention to the 20 month old in my lap.

"YES". He said very enthusiastically, and it was then I realized he hadn't been listening to my question.

"Shall I tickle you"? I asked, wondering if he was paying ay attention at all.

"YES". He repeated in the same upbeat tone.

"Ok then". I told him, and began tickling him.

Almost immediately he started squirming in my arms, letting out a loud piercing childlike scream, that quickly turning into a loud pitched giggle. Near by customers turned to look where the commotion was coming from, though I ignored them, and continued tickling and holding his squirming body tightly in my arms, so he couldn't wriggle away. In the midst of tickling him, I heard a thud coming from the dressing room. It immediately grabbed my attention, and I stopped tickling Jonah, lifting him up as I stood, and placing him on my hip.

"Jules, you ok in there"? I asked, as I approached.

"Oomph". Was the only response.

"Jules"? I said, yanking the curtain back, revealing Julie sat in, what I can only describe as a heap, shoe in hand. "Are you ok"? I asked, as I put Jonah down the floor, putting my wrist through the main loop of his harness to prevent him walking away, and began helping Julie to her feet.

"Yeah, I'm fine". She smiled as she regained herself, and easily slipped her shoe on. "I was just trying to put my shoe on, and fell backwards into the partition and bumped my head". She chuckled.

"Are you sure you're ok". The slight sweat on her forehead hadn't gone un-noticed.

"Yeah, I must be incredibly unfit. All that bouncing around, dressing and undressing just wiped me out". She smiled, as she took the handle of Jonah's harness, and I picked our bags up.

We got through the rest of the afternoon, without any further problems, Julie looked almost fine as soon as we got out of the store. I however seemed to be watching her carefully, wondering if she really had been telling the truth, or whether she was in fact feeling ill.

That evening, as we finished dinner, I voiced my concerns to Miles, who simply dismissed them, telling me I was probably reading too much into it, and to stop worrying all the time. I retaliated, telling him vividly how she looked as I helped her up from the dressing room floor.

"Look, Baby, stop worrying about it ok. She was probably telling the truth. I know how hard you two shop when you're together, but she probably gets tired more quickly with having to watch Jonah all the time, and having to make sure he doesn't get up to anything he shouldn't".

"The thing is though Miles, was that I was watching Jonah. It's not that tiring trying a few outfits on, and it certainly doesn't make you sweat like she was". I argued.

"Baby, you said yourself it was pretty hot in the store. There's probably a simple explanation, she might be coming down with a cold or just have been feeling a little under the weather. You're reading too much into it". He told me.

"Ok, you're right, I'm just worried that's all". I agreed. "It's just that she's my best friend, she's more like my sister, and I just, I just worry about her".

"I know you do, and that's one of the reasons why I fell in love with you. But I'm pretty sure the last thing she needs is for you to be is the worrier, Charlie's pretty good at that on his own". I laughed, knowing just how right he was.

For the rest of the evening, I tried my hardest to stop worrying and even thinking about Julie. I succeeded for the most part, though I sometimes felt my thoughts slowly drifting back to today's events, and it was then, that I forced myself to think of something else.

The following day, I slept in bed while late, being awoken by Miles who had made me breakfast in bed, complete with a rose in his mouth. We spent the day lazing around in bed, just wanting to spend most of our anniversary alone, as more than likely we would be surrounded by my parents and his parents later that evening at the meal. It was turned 3pm, before we were disturbed. Dressed simply in my sweats, I ran down the stairs to open the front door. I hadn't even had chance to see who it was, before I was lifted into someone's arms. It was then I realized, they were in fact Guy's arms, on realizing this, I hugged tightly back. After he put me down, I was picked up another million times by the rest of the ducks, that had flown from just about all over the country.

"Guy's would you look how much she's grown since the last time we saw her". Averman cooed like an Grand mother, that hadn't seen her grand child in over a year.

"Aves, we saw each other 2 months ago". I argued as I guided everyone into the living room, where we each managed to find a seat.

We settled into an easy rhythmic conversation, that I could both understand and keep up with. I had never told Miles, but often, when socializing with his circle of friends, I felt very much out of my depth. Not because his friends were so much smarter than me, more to do with the fact that they talked easily about politics and lawyer stuff. Both of which I didn't really know the first thing about, but even if I had the slight inkling, I would lose the plot of the conversation, just as quickly as I had grasped it. In these cases, I often found myself backing away from them, and socializing with partners of Miles' friends, who also weren't very involved in the easy banter of politics.

"So where's the hubby"? Russ asked.

"Oh he's upstairs in the shower". I replied. "He'll be down in a bit". I told them, immediately diving into another conversation.

A few hours later, Adam arrived, reigniting earlier conversations. Not long after him Julie, Charlie and Jonah arrived. I soon excused myself to get ready, and it was only then that I noticed Miles wasn't sat in the living room with everyone else.

As I showered, my mind drifted to all the other events we'd had, where the all ducks were in town, and it dawned on me, that Miles had never really, forced his presence in any of the occasions. Thinking back to events such as Jonah's first birthday, when we'd all gotten together, he hadn't really joined in with us, he'd almost stood back away from us, watching from afar.

I soon dismissed my thoughts, when I realized, we had to be at the party/meal in 30 minutes, and I still had to finish getting ready. Thankfully though, I was ready on time and we arrived on time. For the first part of the evening, we walked around as a couple, greeting our guests, and spending time with them. Though our guest list wasn't half as near as the one we'd had for the wedding, it was still quite large, especially since Miles had quite a large family, and I too had 2 older siblings, though only one of mine had children.

After the meal, we seemed to go our separate ways, spending time with our own family and friends, though meeting up every so often to swap stories and inform each other how it was going, for instance, he might tell me that his Grandmother was in a bad mood because his Grandfather had forgotten the camera, or I might inform him that my mom was looking for him, to check that he was looking after her only daughter properly.

By the end of all this meet and greet stuff, some music was put on, and dancing commenced. Through most of this, I danced mainly with Miles, trying to spend as much of our anniversary with him, rather than away from him. Soon the dance floor had a few more couples dancing as close as we were.

"I was thinking, maybe next year, we should go on holiday for our anniversary rather than have to do all this over again". I said after a few minutes of silence.

"And here I was thinking that this was the highlight of your year". He replied sarcastically.

"Oh it is, but a nice holiday in the sun away from friends and family would highlight it even better". I laughed in return.

"Totally with you on that score. I think I'll need a holiday just getting over this".

"JULIE". I heard someone shout. I turned automatically to see who it was shouting.

I turned to see Julie laid flat out on the floor with Charlie hovering over her. Jonah was wandering around all over the dance floor. I immediately let go of Miles and rushed over, grabbing Jonah in the process. At the sudden restriction of space, Jonah started kicking and screaming. I ignored him and continued on my way over to Julie. When I got there, the first thing I noticed was the limpness of her body, much like she had done when Jonah was 6 months old.

Someone shouted for someone to call an ambulance, though everything around me except Jonahs legs kicking against my own and his high pitched screaming, was slowly going blurred. I can't remember much of anything, except Miles stood behind me, attempting at squeezing my shoulder in comfort. I can't really remember watching as Charlie got in the back of the ambulance with Julie, except him looking at me, a worried expression on his face. I followed his eyes, as they slid further down to his son in my arms. I simply nodded in acknowledgment that I would look after him.

"Connie, you coming or staying"? Guy asked, as I stood in the middle of the parking lot, staring after the ambulance, Jonah still screaming in my arms.

"Huh". I suddenly came back to Earth with a bump. I turned to see Miles stood behind me. "Um, I have to go Miles. I'm sorry, but I just have to". I told him, and with that, I dashed as fast as I could toward Adam, who was waiting next to his car, knowing I would be going with them.

All the way to the hospital, Jonah cried, though his legs had stopped kicking, due to either getting tired, or simply giving up. Walking into the hospital brought back the memories of over a year ago, though I suppose thankfully, I wasn't on my own this time.

_**END FLASHBACK**_

To this day, I can't recall everything that happened. Miles filled me in on a few blanks about what happened later, but nothing important enough for me to remember. I do however remember that he'd had to explain the sudden disappearance of his wife to everyone I'd left at the party/meal. Though most of my family and friends wouldn't think much of me going after Julie, I knew some of Miles' family and friends would.

So what do you think? PLEASE R&R!!!!


	5. Chapter 5

Disclaimer : I don't own anything so there!

XSARAH : I'm sure they will. Anyways thanks for your support and review. CHEERS MI DEARS!!!!

KATIE : Hey chicken! Course I can forgive you lol. Wow, I seems ages since I updated, a full 2 weeks I think. I seriously just haven't had time to do anything. I've been working every day for the past 2 weeks because my boss sliced her finger off, but I'm seriously knackered now and in great need of a sleep in lol. Anyways, I'm so glad you liked the last two chapters, I'm still pretty unsure about this story, no-one seems to be reviewing – not that it's gonna stop me like lol, but it makes ya think lol. I swear down, I will try to write a Connie/Guy story just for you, I haven't done one of those in ages have I? lol. Anyways thanks for the support and review. CHEERS MI DEARS!!!!

Chapter 5

To this day, I hate visiting hospitals. Even when I was giving birth to my own daughter, Holly, all I wanted was to get the hell out of there. On the few occasions where we had to go to hospital, for simple accidents like Jonah bumping his head falling off a swing, we tried a different hospital, but it still had the same 'nothing good comes from this place' feel about it. In the back of my mind, I knew hospitals did a lot of good things, but for me, it would always be a negative place.

_**FLASHBACK**_

We had been at the hospital about an hour now. Julie had been moved into a private ward, where we all seemed to camp outside, whilst Charlie kept bedside vigil. Jonah had long since settled, and was sat comfortably in Guy's arms. I paced the corridor, impatiently, absently clenching my fists with every step. The blinds to Julie's room were down, so non of us could see in, however, I had popped my head around the door earlier to check on them both, and saw Julie hooked up to all these monitors and an oxygen tube going up her nose.

"Um, Con, I think someone needs his diaper changing". Guy declared.

Immediately, I looked around for the diaper bag, but I couldn't see it, and that was when I realized I hadn't even picked it up. I looked around compulsively, hoping it would appear from no where. After a minute or so, I finally came to the conclusion that it wasn't going to appear.

"I, I haven't got any diapers". I mumbled, as I searched around for my purse, so I could try and attempt going to buy some. By now Jonah, had woken up, and was getting a little grouchy at having a dirty diaper. "Where's, where's my purse". I stuttered.

"I don't think you brought it". Adam replied. "C'mon, lets go and find a store or something and get some, before he screams the place down again". He guided me, toward the nurses station, where he asked if there was anywhere, we could buy some diapers and wet wipes.

The nurse directed us, to the nearest store, which luckily was only down the street. We went onto the baby aisle, and picked the diapers and some wet wipes up, then deciding at the last minute to buy some baby food incase he got hungry. We can't have been gone more than 10 minutes, and by the time we got back, Jonah was still grouchy, but hadn't started screaming yet.

I took Jonah from Guy, and headed down the corridor to the bathrooms, where there was a baby changing unit. I changed him pretty quick, and as soon as his clean diaper was on, he began kicking his legs around, giggling and spluttering bubbles all over.

"Is that better now little guy, huh"? I began talking to him, as I quickly tidied up. "Come on, lets go see if the doctors been to see Mommy yet". I put him down on the floor, keeping a tight hold of his little hand.

"Yes. Les go see Moommy". He giggled.

As we walked back to the guys, I had to keep my back bent, so I could keep hold of him. When we got close enough, I let go of him and he stumbled toward Averman, who was sat on the floor closest to him. His walking was still a little wobbly, but he was defiant.

"Any news"? I looked at them all, waiting for anyone to answer.

"The Doctors just gone in". Fulton replied, pacing the same spot I had been earlier.

For the next few minutes, time seemed to pass slowly, even as though time had stood still. My eyes, never left the door. I could hear Jonah's giggles as he wobbled from Averman to Portman and back again. My eyes widened, as I saw the handle on the door, slowly begin turning. I watched as if in slow motion, the doctor exited, closing the door behind him, saying nothing to us, but giving us a sympathetic glance. It was then that I felt as though someone had dropped a lead weight into my stomach.

A second later, the door handle turned again. We were all hoping it was Charlie, coming to tell us what the doctor had said, but instead, the door swung open, and he stormed out, leaving us all stood gaping in amazement. I immediately took off after him, leaving someone to go in to see Julie.

"CHARLIE". I shouted, as I followed him out into the night air. "CHARLIE". I shouted again.

He didn't reply, and I ran a little faster to keep up with him. I didn't fully catch up with him, until we got into the hospital garden. Even in the dark, I could see the coal black pond that was just up ahead. I grabbed hold of his elbow and swung him around to face me. I think that was the point I knew it was serious. I could see the tears glistening in his eyes, and a few pouring down his cheeks.

"What"? I asked, wanting to cry with him in fear. "Tell me". I almost ordered, my strong voice portraying a confidence that wasn't really present.

"She lied to me. She fucking lied to me for over a year". He growled, though I surmised it was more with pain than anger.

"What do you mean"? I was confused now, and that took my mind off the fear I was feeling.

"A year ago, when she collapsed at home, when you were there. When I came to tell you guys she was ok, the doctor told her, she had a heart condition, one that was weakening her heart as time went by. She never fucking told me". He yelled the last bit.

His last statement, slowly sunk in, and I stood dumbfounded, unable to move or speak. I suppose even if I could speak, I didn't really know what to say.

"But she's gonna be ok though right"? I finally asked, I suppose already knowing the answer, but I was too afraid to admit it.

"No, she's not. Her heart is weakening by the second, and there's nothing anyone can do about it". He mumbled, more tears flowing.

"But she's 23, she's a mom, she can't be". I stuttered, tears rolling down my cheeks in acknowledgment.

"I know". He replied, as we both collapsed in tears into each others arms.

We slowly sunk to floor, sitting, our arms wrapped around each other in comfort. Neither of us knew what to do or say to each other. Nothing would make this hurt any less or go away, as much as we'd both have loved it to. The truth finally hit home, and I was left with paralyzing fear, of the next few hours/days/months or however long she had left.

"What am I gonna do Con's"? Charlie whispered eventually.

"You're gonna be there for her. She's probably scared out of her wits, and really needs you to be strong for her". I told him, choosing my words carefully.

"Why didn't she tell me before? We could have got her treatment before this". He wept openly.

"You said yourself there was no treatment. And as for her not telling you, she probably didn't want you to wake up every morning by her side, thinking is she dead, counting down the days she had left. She didn't want to be treat any different". I replied, not knowing where all this logical thinking was coming from.

"You know, she said the exact same thing before I stormed out".

"I know it's gonna be hard, but you have to be strong for her. She didn't mean to hurt you, she was just doing what she thought was best". I began to explain.

"CONNIE. CHARLIE". I heard Adam shouting us.

"OVER HERE". I shouted back.

Within seconds, he was coming into my vision. His face said it all. He knew. He came close enough to see us. Charlie climbed to his feet, and I slowly followed taking Adam's offered hand.

"She's asking for you". Adam simply told Charlie.

"Go on". I reached over and gave his hand a squeeze, before watching him run away. "How is she"? I asked, turning to face a tearful Adam.

"Scared out of her wits. I think she was more scared that Charlie hated her. But she's trying to be strong. You know Jules". He answered.

"Yeah, I do". I replied, and broke down in tears once again.

I finally finished crying, and headed back inside with Adam. Looking at the ducks, I knew they all knew Julie's fate. I managed a small smile, before receiving hugs from everyone. Tears didn't fall, again though, I had probably cried them all out.

5 minutes later, Charlie came out, and looked at me, before nodding his head toward the door. I slowly stood, and walked toward him. I stood unsure in the doorway. He gave my hand a reassuring squeeze before I walked in, closing the door quietly behind me.

"Hi". Julie croaked.

"Hey you". I smiled, feeling tears blur my vision again. I dashed for the bed, diving carefully into her arms, where I began crying again.

"Shh, shh, let it all out, it's ok". She told me, though I could hear the slight quiver in her voice over the rasp from her throat.

I didn't reply, just sat there crying, as she stroked my hair. I mean what could I say to my best friend, who I had just found out was dying. There wasn't anything I could think of to say, yet there was so much I wanted to tell her. I eventually, sat up, and looked at her frail form.

"Listen, I know, I know I should have told you, but I couldn't". She told me.

"I know, you don't need to explain". I countered.

"If I asked you to do something for me, would you"?

"Yes, a thousand times". I gripped her hand.

"Will you look after Charlie and Jonah for me. I need to know that they're going to be ok, especially Jonah. Charlie will probably struggle at first, but he's a good dad",

"I will, I promise". I cried.

"And secondly, could you bring your video camera in, I need to do something, something for Jonah".

"I'll fetch it in a little while".

"Look, I want to say this because I might not get another chance too. But I just want you to know, you've been the best friend I could ever wish for. I don't know what I'd have done without you"…

"Please Julie don't". I wept.

"No, I have to". She told me. "You've been the closest thing I've had to a sister, and I love you so, so much. You've given me some of the most happiest years of my life, and I couldn't ever imagine you not being a part of it. But I don't want you to mourn me, or remember me as I am now, I want you to think of our happiest times. Tell Jonah stories about what we did, but don't ever tell him, how I am now". Tears sparkled as they ran down her cheeks. "Please". She pleaded.

At that, I broke down crying again, and leant forward back into her arms. I was more scared than I had ever been in my whole life. I felt as though a part of me was dying with her. I remained in her arms for a while, just crying continuously, scared that if I let go, I'd never be able to hug her again.

"Ok, I'm gonna go and let someone else come and see you". I sat up, and wiped my tears away, before giving her hand one final squeeze, before leaving the room.

Once outside, I broke down again. I was slightly aware that Charlie had gone back in to Julie. I sat and told the guys how she was, but didn't tell them what she had told me. They were words, I would always keep to myself. I did warn them though, of what was to come.

10 minutes later, Charlie came back out and told us she'd fallen asleep. It was 11pm. I decided now was the time to go home, get changed and grab my camera. Also I wanted to pop around to Charlie and Julie's and grab some things for Julie. I told Charlie that I'd drop Jonah off at my mom's for a few hours as he was getting understandably fed up.

_**END FLASHBACK**_

As I said, I never spoke of the words Julie said to me. Not for her sake, but more for my own sake. They had meant the world to me, and were one of my last memories of her. I'm sure she said similar things to the guys, but they too, never told any of us what was said.

So what do you think? PLEASE R&R!!!!


	6. Chapter 6

Disclaimer : I don't own anything so there!

MOSHIMORO6785 : I know, I think this might have to be the saddest story I've written lol. Glad you like it though. Anyways thanks for the support and review. CHEERS MI DEARS!!!!

XSARAH : If you though that was a sad chappy, you won't want to read the rest lol. Anyways thanks for the support and review. CHEERS MI DEARS!!!!

A : Glad you're enjoying the story. I tell ya, you think you might cry, I think writing one of the chapters I did lol – but I'm a pathetically sappy person when it comes to sad film and books lol. Anyways thanks for the support and review. CHEERS MI DEARS!!!!

KATIE : Bloody hell, if you're feeing sorry for Julie I must be really good lol – only kidding. I don't know who to feel more sorry for, Julie, Charlie, the ducks or Jonah lol. Anyways thanks again so much for your support and review. CHEERS MI DEARS!!!!

SWEEN : Glad you like it. Thanks for the support and review. CHEERS MI DEARS!!!!

Chapter 6

After sitting on the bed for a few minutes, I slowly got up and crept across the hall into Holly's room. There was only the small lamp on, that sat on the end table. My husband of 2 years, was sat fast asleep, with 3 month old Holly in his arms. She too was fast asleep. It brought back memories of Charlie doing the same thing with Jonah a number of years ago, as I watched silently from the doorway.

_**FLASHBACK**_

Adam dropped me off at home, so I could get changed out of my dress, and get some things gathered, then he was coming back as soon as he'd changed, before heading around to Charlie and Julie's to grab some things for both Jonah and Julie. Then we were going to drop Jonah off at my moms for a few hours.

I knew Miles was still up, as all the downstairs lights were on, and his parents, Aunt and Uncles cars were parked in the driveway. On finding they were still here, I was very tempted in turning around and going straight to Charlie and Julie's as I didn't really want to face Miles' families questions. I took a deep breath, before opening the front door, and stepping inside. Miles was stood by the phone, obviously trying to get hold of me, as, as soon as he saw me, he put the phone back in it's cradle, and looked me up and down, as if trying to come up with his own conclusion.

"Well I think it's disgusting how she just took off like that, leaving poor Miles to apologize for her". I suddenly heard his Aunt declare.

"I should imagine Joyce, she had her reasons". Miles' mother argued.

"Yes but there was no need for her to take off like that, and the least she could have done was called Miles to let him know what was happening". His Aunt countered.

Miles who had obviously heard too, stepped toward me, but I was far ahead of him, already headed straight into the living room, with Jonah sat on my hip.

"You **conceited** old cow". I suddenly snapped.

"Now Connie". Miles mother turned to try to calm me.

"**No**, no. For your information I 'took off' tonight, because if it had escaped your notice, my best friend collapsed and had to be rushed to hospital. I have spent the last 5 hours sat waiting on a hospital corridor, waiting to be told how she is, only to be informed that she has a** fatal **heart condition and **is** dying, not only leaving behind a hell of a lot of people that love her, but also a 20 month old son. Now I'm sorry, but with all that going on, the meal, wasn't exactly at the top of my priority list". I snapped, tears pouring down my cheeks, before I took off upstairs.

A few seconds later, Miles entered our bedroom, and stood watching me as I pulled my already short hair into a pony tail, and changing from my dress into a pair of jeans and sweater. Jonah was sat in the middle of our bed, watching me amused at the eraticness of my movements.

"I'm sor"… Miles began.

"Don't, Don't apologize Miles". I butted in, grabbing my old hockey bag from the bottom of my closet, thankfully the bag wasn't too big. "It's not me people need to feel sorry for". I wept.

I put the bag on my shoulder and grabbed Jonah, before dashing down the stairs, into the kitchen, where I put the bag down on the sideboard then began packing it with cans of soda, chips and anything edible that I thought we might possibly need.

"How, um, how long has she got"? He asked gently.

"I don't know Miles, I haven't asked, and I don't particularly want to know". I replied, as I searched for the few tins of baby food that I kept for whenever Julie had brought Jonah around.

Though he was now eating normal foods, he still ate baby food every so often, and it was more than convenient at a time like this. Just holding the tins of baby food, brought me to tears, in the realization, I wouldn't need them for when Julie brought Jonah round, because she wouldn't be doing that ever again. At this Miles stepped even closer and embraced me. I fell into his arms, though only for a few seconds, before I realized, I still had things to do. He took Jonah from my arms, allowing me to pick the bag up and head into the living room, where there were a few of Jonah's toys, that might keep him occupied whilst he was at my moms. Next I searched around for a few magazines for Julie, I don't really know why, but I suppose it just seemed like the right thing to do.

"Connie dear, I didn't mean"… Joyce began saying.

"Too late, you already did". I stopped her short, then realized, I hadn't got my camera, and made a bee line for the stairs.

Whilst I was upstairs, I heard the front door open and Miles and Adam's voices talking quietly. I grabbed my camera, and shot back down the stairs, and picked the other bag up, before heading to the front door. Adam took Jonah from Miles and headed back to his car. I stood looking after him for a few seconds before turning my full attention to Miles.

"I'll try and call if anything changes". I told him.

"I love you". He told me, his voice soft and gentle.

I leant up and brushed my lips quickly yet softly against his, then took off after Adam. I plonked both bags in the backseat, then took Jonah from his arms, and sat in the front seat with him on my lap. I know it wasn't the safest way to travel, but we only had a short distance to go, before we would be at Charlie and Julies.

Nothing much was said between us on the way to Charlie's. I suppose it was because neither of us, really knew what to say, and silence was better than talking about it, at the moment anyway. I knew we'd have to talk about it sooner or later.

We arrived at Charlie's a few minutes later, and I slowly climbed out. Even looking at it, nearly brought me to tears. This was Julie's home, and everything about it reminded me of her. There was no getting away from it.

"C'mon, lets get this over and done with". Adam wrapped his arm around my shoulders, and guided the way up the steps.

He pulled the key Charlie had given him out of his pocket and unlocked the door, before stepping inside and flicking the lights on. I followed him in, and headed into the living room where I put Jonah in his play pen. I gathered a few more of his favorite toys, before going upstairs and getting some of Julie's things like her pj's and dressing gown. Next I collected a few of Jonah's clothes. It took only 10 minutes to get everything I thought we'd need. Adam helped by getting some clothes for Charlie and collecting the address book so we could contact Julie's family, well what was left of them. Her mom had died when she was only young, and her dad had traveled a lot since Julie had started college. She was an only child and both her parents came from relatively small families.

"Um, the seat from the car". I thought aloud just as I was about to pick the bags up.

"I'll get it. What about a pram? At least when he comes to the hospital, it'll be comfier to sleep in that than in someone's arms". Adam suggested as he searched for Julie's car keys.

"Yeah". I headed into the closet and retrieved the pram, then picked a few other things before heading to Adam's car and packing them in.

15 minutes later, Jonah was in my arms, dozing slightly, as Adam locked the door behind us. We headed straight to my parents, which was about a half an hour drive. At now midnight, I was unsure whether or not they'd still be up, but knew my mom would understand, especially since she'd been there when Julie had collapsed.

"Look's like they're in bed". Adam said, as he pulled up at the curb. "C'mon, we'll come back later". He suggested.

"No it's ok, they'll understand". I got out of the car and headed to the backseat and pulled the sleeping Jonah out.

"Are you sure"? Adam asked, getting out and grabbing the pram and the rest of Jonah's things.

"Yeah". I replied, making my way up to the front door.

As predicted my parents didn't mind, but didn't really ask for much of an explanation, from me, but I surmised Adam had filled them in, whilst I had been settling Jonah in his pram, as when I came back into the hall, tears where falling from my mom's eyes. She looked at me sympathetically before pulling me into a hug. My dad just stood there looking as awkward as ever.

"Call us if there's any news". My mom called after us, as we left, headed back to the hospital.

In a way, I felt as though a big weight had been lifted off my shoulders, once we'd left Jonah at my parents, rather than having him at the hospital. Though I knew at some point later on, we'd have to pick him up, as no doubt Julie would want to spend some time with him.

"How you holding up anyway"? Adam asked suddenly, his eyes remaining fixed on the road ahead.

"Honestly, I just want to wake up and find out this was all a nightmare". I replied. "What about you"?

"Pretty much the same. I just can't help thinking about what it's gonna be like without her". He answered.

The rest of the journey was silent. Adam's words were running through my head, and I too soon began to imagine what life was going to be like without her. Not seeing her every other day, not being able to have girlie chats with her, not being able to listen to her tell me with excitement what Jonah had started doing or saying.

"How is she"? Adam asked, once we got back on the ward.

"Um the doctors upped the pain relief a little, but other than that, it's just like talking to the same old Julie, yet it's not the same old Julie". Guy informed us.

_**END FLASHBACK**_

Finding out that day, had changed everything. We all saw Julie in a slightly different light, yet I remember agreeing with everyone that we still had to treat her the same as always. She was still and always would be 'our' Julie 'the cat' Gaffney Conway.

I remember about a year after that day, going with Charlie and Jonah to the Doctors to have some tests done on Jonah to check to make sure the heart condition that had taken Julie wasn't hereditary. We both sat scared stiff that day as we awaited the results, hoping and praying that it wasn't.

So what do you think? PLEASE R&R!!!!


	7. Chapter 7

Disclaimer : I don't own anything so there!

XSARAH : Hey. Glad you like it. Oh sorry, a pram is a push chair, I never really made it very clear did I lol. Anyways thanks for your support and review. CHEERS MI DEARS!

HOCKEY-GIRL90 : Arr thanks, glad you liked it. Anyways thanks for your support and review. CHEERS MI DEARS!

LUVDACAKEEATER : Glad you like it. Anyways thanks for the support and review. CHEERS MI DEARS!

KATIE : Hey up chicken. If you thought that chapter was sad, then you really don't want to read this one. I seriously had tears in my eyes when I proof read it for the first time lol, but I'm a soppy sod anyways lol. Anyways thanks for the support and review. CHEERS MI DEARS!

Chapter 7

I slowly entered the room, and gently took Holly out of my husbands arms, and placed her back in her crib. I remember the day she was born, and all the ducks had gone to see her in the nursery, I sat and cried, wishing that Julie was here. The one person I wanted Holly to meet the most wasn't here.

_**FLASHBACK**_

We sat there all night, or should I say all morning, just sat around. There was hardly any talking between us, which in itself was unusual, as normally we'd be fighting each other to get a word in edgeways. Charlie was in and out of Julie's room like a yo-yo. I suppose he was scared of leaving her for too long, incase she woke up alone. I dozed off a few times, but can't have been asleep more than 20 minutes, before I was forcing myself awake again. I'd handed the bit of food and drink I'd brought around, but none of us seemed to be able to face eating.

At about 6am, Julie finally woke up. I don't know how she'd managed it, but Charlie admitted defeat and agreed to going home and having a shower and a rest. She also told most of the ducks to do the same of which they argued at first, but eventually agreed. I stayed, not being able to face going home and seeing Miles' Aunt again. After everyone bar me and Adam had left, we both went in to see her.

"Hey, how you feeling"? I asked, taking a seat beside her.

"Could be better". She answered. "Could be worse though". She smiled.

"I brought my camera like you asked". I told her.

"Oh great. Is there anywhere better than this room, like a garden or something"? She asked, as she sat up in bed.

"Yeah, there's a garden, but we'd have to get permission to take you". Adam replied.

"Would you"? She looked longingly at Adam, who agreed and disappeared to find a nurse. "The reason I asked you to bring the camera was because, Jonah's too young to remember much about me, and I want him to have something better than a photo to remember me". She told me.

I was getting the jist of what she wanted to do. She wanted to record him a message he could watch when he was older. Adam came back with a wheelchair nodding to tell us, that we were allowed. I helped Adam get Julie in the chair, then grabbed my camera, before we all headed out to the spot where I had broken down in tears with Charlie, the night before. We picked a spot that was more private and well, had a nice view behind her. Adam stood by my side, as I set the camera up.

"You ready"? I asked. She nodded as I pressed record and stepped a little further away with Adam, so she could at least have a bit more privacy. Though we could still hear what she was saying.

"Hi honey. Happy Birthday. I hope you've had an excellent day, and I know that if Aunt Connie's had anything to do with it, you will have. I wish I could have been around to watch you grow up into the handsome young man I know you are. There's so many things I wish I could have seen you do, like your first day at school, being with you when you saw your first hockey game, and knowing your dad, the first time you played hockey. Just remember Jonah, Goalie is the best position, don't listen to your dad if he tells you otherwise". Julie let out a small laugh, but tears where pouring down my cheeks. "In the first 2 years of your life, you gave me more happiness, than I **ever** dreamt possible. You were and always will be my baby, and I love you more than you could ever imagine. I hate the fact that I had to leave you so young, or at all, but knowing that you have so many people around you that love you, helps". She took a breath, and wiped the lone tear that had been running down her cheek. "There's so many things I want for you, and I hope that you have them. I want you to know what love is. I love your dad more than anyone in the world, and feeling the love being returned was the greatest feeling in the world. Don't be scared or shy away from it. There will be some people out there, that will hurt you, but remember, they won't all be like that, and there is someone out there, that you will love to the point it scares you". I looked at Adam who too had tears pouring from his eyes. At that second he caught my gaze, and reached over, laying his arm around my shoulders. "I want you to be **soo** happy Jonah, in life and in love. Happiness is the greatest gift of all, just like the happiness you gave to me and the happiness you still bring those around you. Don't be scared of being happy, when those around you don't seem as happy, you create your own happiness". Again she wiped the tears that were forming away. "You have a lot of people around you that love you. First there's your dad, and I know at times he's going to seem like an army sergeant, but believe me when I say, he's only doing it because he loves you. Also when he's teaching you hockey, get him to show you the triple deke and then get in goal and save the puck. Glove side". She whispered the last bit. "Aunt Connie's the one you want to go to with problems, she'll sort you out faster than you can say Jack Robinson. She's also the fun one". I let out a quiet laugh, as tears still poured easily. "Uncle Adam's the one you need to go to with hockey problems, after he's finished with you, you'll be 10 times better than him and your dad put together. Uncle Guy's good if need a good prank to play on someone, and I'm sure he'll tell you loads of stories about the pranks he played on me and Aunt Connie when we were in High School. Uncle Averman is the one to go to when you need cheering up, he'll tell you jokes that will make you cry with laughter. Uncle Portman and Uncle Fulton will teach you how to stick up for yourself and bash other players into the boards, so stay out of their way when you're on the ice. Uncle Russ is one of two people, Uncle Fulton being the other, who could get the puck passed me easily, so pay attention to them and also he's the one you want to go to, to learn some trash talk. Uncle Luis is the one to go to with girl troubles, and if you want to learn how to skate faster than you could ever dream possible, just learn how to stop first. Uncle Goldberg's the best cook out of us all, and if you spend a week with him, you'll be a better cook than your dad. He's also one of the best goalies that could teach you everything you need to know. Uncle Ken's the one to go to, to learn how to be agile on the ice, and if you need help in school. Uncle Dwayne's the best puck handler ever, and if you copy him you can't go far wrong". I knew she was coming to the end of her message, and began to get ready to turn the recorder off. "I love you so much. Don't ever forget that". And with that she looked at me, and I headed over and turned it off.

"You ready to go back in"? Adam asked, following me toward her.

"Yeah". She answered simply.

On the way back inside, she asked me, if I'd give Jonah the tape on his 10th birthday. I agreed, feeling an empty feeling in the pit of my stomach when I realized that she wasn't going to be there. Less than an hour later, she had fallen back asleep, and most of the ducks had returned, Charlie being the first. About 9am, the doctor came to see Julie. We all waited impatiently outside, hoping that he was going to come out with a huge smile on his face, and tell us all he had diagnosed her wrong and that she was going to be ok. The doctor did eventually come out, but it wasn't a smile on his face, in fact it was blank. A few minutes later, Charlie followed. He closed her door quietly behind himself, and leaned against the wall, before crumbling into tears and sliding down to the floor. As if on autopilot, I went to him, and knelt down, taking his hand in my own.

"I'll go fetch Jonah". I told him softly. He nodded pathetically, as though the world was falling down around him. I turned round to ask one of the guys for the cars keys. They all looked similar to Charlie.

"Adam, can I borrow you're car"? I whispered.

"I'll take you". He replied, leaning over and patting Charlie's shoulder comfortingly, then headed out of the hospital with me.

It was only when we got outside, that I allowed tears to really come. Adam took my hand in his own, and gave it a squeeze. I was beginning to feel sick, the reality of the passed 24 hours really hitting home. It seemed almost as though it were happening to someone else.

"Why'd this have to happen? Why Julie of all people"? I muttered, in I suppose a rhetorical way.

"I don't know, I wish I knew". Adam answered.

Again the remainder of the journey was spent in silence. I was slightly aware that Adam was driving that little bit more rushed, as though we were in race against time, which in all honesty we were. It was Julie's time running out, and we were racing to stay ahead of the clock. When we got to my parents, Adam sat in the car allowing it to idle, whilst I dashed inside. My mom who wasn't expecting me, looked scared out of her wits when I burst through the front door. Jonah was sat on the floor playing with his toys totally oblivious to the happenings around him.

"Connee". He screeched on seeing me.

"Hey little guy. C'mon, we're going to see Mommy". I knelt down and helped him to his feet where he wrapped his little arms the best he could around my neck.

"Go see Moommy". He repeated as I stood up.

"Thanks for having him mom, I'll see you later". I said hurriedly, as I passed her tearful form on the way out.

"Give my love to Julie will you. Tell her I'm thinking of her always. Charlie too". Her tears poured down cheeks.

"I will". I began crying again, as I dove into her arms and giving her a quick yet tight hug. "I love you and tell dad too". I said before dashing back outside to the car.

Once Jonah was strapped safely in the car, I jumped back into the front seat. Adam set off straight away, going around the block then back the way we had come. Jonah was babbling to himself in the backseat, and though most weren't really coherent, the odd one or two like 'in rwed car', 'go fffast', were obviously a statement about Adam's car. I knew he didn't really understand anything that was going on, and I also knew that when he saw Julie, he wouldn't know that this was going to probably be the last time either. The journey was over before I realized, and we began walking speedily back into the hospital.

"DADDEE". Jonah screamed when he saw Charlie stood outside Julie's room.

"Hey Champ. Have you been good"? Charlie took Jonah easily from my arms.

"Yes, beeen goood". Jonah copied.

A few seconds later, Luis exited the room, and Adam went in. My hands were shaking, and I was unable to keep eye contact with any of the guys. Though the fact that all their eyes were bloodshot, and tear stained didn't go un-noticed. I suddenly felt weak, and as though I was going to be sick. A few minutes later Adam exited, looking very much similar to the others.

"Connie, she wants to see you quickly before Jonah". Adam told me, resting his hand on my shoulder. Even his hand felt like a ton of bricks.

I took a deep breath, and headed inside, closing the door tightly behind myself. In just the last few hours, Julie had changed, looking pale and sweaty. She looked like a frail old woman, minus the wrinkles of her skin.

"Hey". I went and sat next to her, taking her hand in mine.

"Hi". She croaked. "I just, I just wanted to thank you for everything you've done over the last few days, and well for everything". She was crying now.

"You don't need to thank me Jules. I'd do anything for you a million times over". I replied, also joining in on the crying. "Are you scared"? I suddenly asked.

"Yes and no". She replied honestly. "I'm scared because it death you know, it's final, but I'm not scared, because I know that I have lived a great life. I've been blessed with wonderful friends and team mates, a husband who I love more than anyone in the world and a son who I know is going to be loved just as much with or without me". She answered.

"I love you so, so much Jules. You've been the best friend I could have ever dreamt of having. I don't know what I'm going to do without you. I'm scared of so much Jules, but I'm most scared of not being able to see or talk to you every day". Tears really poured now, more furious than ever.

"I'll always be with you. Just because you won't be able to see me, doesn't mean I won't be around". She sat up a little and pulled me gently toward her, and wrapped her weak arms around me. "I love you too". After a few seconds I pulled back a little and kissed her cheek gently, before pulling away completely, and walking toward the door. "Quack you later". She whispered our old catch phrase, just loud enough for me to catch. I turned to see her smiling.

"Quack ya later". I replied, smiling back, before leaving the room completely.

As soon as I got out of the room, Charlie went straight in with Jonah. Goldberg who was closest to me, got up and put his arms around me, pulling me into his chest. I started crying out loud, and was soon joined by him. I suddenly felt the rest of the ducks join in the hug, surrounding both me and Goldberg, as we grieved for our best friend.

_**END FLASHBACK**_

Julie died peacefully, 20 minutes later, cuddling Jonah with one arm and Charlie with the other. She had passed away aged 23.

I remember that day as clearly now, as I did days after the actual event. I had cried more in the 24 hours leading up to her death, than I have ever done in my whole life. Sometimes on particularly bad days, I'll have a little cry to myself as I remember all that we lost that day.

So what did you think? I admit, I cried throughout writing the last part, but I'm a pretty soppy person anyway lol. PLEASE R&R!


	8. Chapter 8

Disclaimer : I don't own anything so there!

XSARAH : Arr I nearly made you cry. Point to me then lol. Anyways thanks for your support and review. CHEERS MI DEARS!

MOSHIMORO6785 : I'm so glad you are enjoying it. I think it's one of my better stories lol. Oh I know, I haven't done an Adam/Julie in ages have I? It's mainly cause I've really gone of Julie, but I'll try and get one written really soon lol. Yeah, I like writing about the sisterhood between Connie and Julie, though I think this is the first story where it's been to the degree it is. Anyways thanks for the support and review. CHEERS MI DEARS!

A : No that's not the end of the story lol. Everything will be explained as we delve further, I didn't really want this to go much further than 10 chapter, but it looks like being more 20 chapters lol. Anyways thanks for the support and review. CHEERS MI DEARS!

KATIE : Arr I'm so glad you enjoyed it. I was a bit worried everyone might hate me for killing Julie, but there was no way I could have killed Connie and especially not Adam. I did think of Guy, but I remember in I think it was 'What is a friend? Obviously not you', where I threatened to kill Guy, and I just couldn't do that to you again lol. Anyways thanks for the support and review. CHEERS MI DEARS!

HOCKEY-GIRL90 : Arr I can't believe you cried lol. Anyways thanks for your support and review. CHEERS MI DEARS!

SWEEN : Arr happy birthday for last Wednesday. Arr bless ya, sorry I made ya cry near ya birthday lol. Anyways thanks for your support and review. CHEERS MI DEARS!

STEPH : Don't worry, I'm not ready to finish this yet lol, and by the time I am, you'll be fed up of it lol. Yeah we should soo start a club for sappy people lol. Anyways thanks for the support and review. CHEERS MI DEARS!

Chapter 8

It's funny how one event such as the loss of my best friend could change things, as dramatically as it did. In the days following her death, I spent all my time with the ducks, trying to pull together, and get each other through the grief that had taken over our existences. When anyone of us seemed to be struggling, we all metaphorically speaking took hold of their hands and pulled them through the day with us. I always thought we were pretty close, and we were, but we seemed to pull together even more. As horrible as it sounds, Julie's death brought us even closer.

_**FLASHBACK**_

Time seemed to fly since the day of Julie death. I seemed to drift through the days. Doing anything to keep myself busy, to keep my mind off the fact that she was no longer around. I took Jonah to my moms nearly everyday, just so that none of us had to keep him amused while we were sorting through things. Charlie hadn't had much to do with him since coming home from the hospital, all he seemed to do was stay in his and Julie's room. He told us a few things Julie would want at the funeral, but other that, he had nothing more to do with it, leaving it up to us.

I had called work, and they had given me a months compassionate leave, which I was incredibly grateful for. Non of the ducks had to go back home for a few weeks, and Adam had been to see his and Charlie's coach who had given Adam a month, and had Charlie 6 months compassionate leave, before he had to start going to practices at the very least.

During the week following Julie's death, I hardly saw Miles. He was at work during the day, and I stayed at Charlie's incase he finally decided to open up and talk. Plus I didn't know whether he'd get up to see to Jonah if he cried. Though I had the vague idea, that all this was doing very little good for my marriage, I knew I was more needed here. Miles seemed to understand, the few times I'd called.

Before we knew it, it was the day of the funeral. I awoke that morning feeling dread. This was were everything became very real, as if it weren't already. Seeing her in the chapel of rest the day before was enough. She had laid there, looking so peaceful, so graceful, as though the slightest touch would wake her. I wish it would. I watched as Charlie spent a few minutes alone with her. There was no emotion on his face, he looked as though he was just staring at a dummy that had been made up to look like her. After a few minutes, he left the room, leaving us all to spend a few minutes with her. I gripped Adam and Averman's hands as we all circled her coffin. I suppose seeing her there, looking painless and at peace, made me feel slightly more at ease, in the knowledge she was no longer in pain.

By 9am, all the ducks were crowded around in the living room, dressed in black suits, white shirts and ties. I wore a black pant suit which I thought clashed with the whiteness of my face, though I suppose that was the same for us all. The service began at 11, yet we were all more or less ready. I headed upstairs to Charlie's room, where he hadn't left all morning. I knocked gently waiting for a response, but got none. Finally I let myself in, to find Charlie sat with his back to me, staring out the window, already dressed in his suit.

"Charlie, everyone's downstairs". I said gently, standing in the doorway. He didn't respond, just continued staring out of the window. "You're mom, Coach Bombay and Orion are coming here before the funeral. They're coming in the cars with us". I tried a different tactic, but still nothing. I headed over to him and sat next to him. "You watching anything interesting out there"?

"Not really". Finally a response, though it was short and sharp, it was still better than nothing.

"I was just wondering, do you want Jonah to come to the funeral? I wasn't sure whether you'd want him there".

"Whatever". He replied.

"Charlie he's **_your_** son, you decide". I snapped angrily. "Sorry, but you're not making this very easy". I apologized after a few seconds.

"How easy do you want it huh? Would it make you feel better if I ran around laughing and giggling like a little girl, then run out back and make daisy chains"? He snapped harshly back.

"You know that's not what I meant Charlie. You aren't the only one who misses her, who needs her"! I shouted back, standing up. "I'd give anything right now to hear her say everything's going to be ok. There's 11 people down stairs and one right here, that wishes they didn't have to be here, in this situation Charlie. But we **_are_**". I was hot with anger and hurt. "We are all trying to just get on as best we can, but you locking yourself away in here like this, not talking to any of us isn't helping. You have a son in the next room, that needs you, and all you can do is stare out of a God damn window". I finished then ran from the room.

I met Adam on the landing, who'd obviously been on his way up stairs to see what all the commotion was. I stormed passed him, and bounded down the stairs, Adam hot on my heels, he grabbed my arm just as I reached the front door.

"Hey, hey slow down". He said softly.

"I give in Adam, I really do". I answered, all the ducks coming closer. "I know he's just lost his wife, and his whole life's turned upside down, but he isn't the only person whose lost someone here". I answered, feeling all my anger dissipate slowly.

"I know it's hard, but just give him some time, it's still sinking in that she's gone and that he's a single parent, having to raise Jonah alone". Adam soothed.

"But that's it, he hasn't had a thing to do with Jonah. He can't even make the decision whether or not to let Jonah come to the funeral". I answered. "I'm going out for some fresh air". And with that, I turned and walked out of the house.

I began walking around the block, feeling the anger disappear with each step. The words I'd just said were running clear in my head, I knew I had sounded everything but supportive, but I was getting to the end of my tether with Charlie. He was acting as though he was the only person who'd lost someone special, and as for raising Jonah alone, he knew that he had the support of me and the ducks.

The slight breeze, sent shivers down my spine as I continued walking around, not ready to head back and pretend as though everything was ok. I looked down at the floor, watching every step I made. I kicked a stone, and watched as it bounced to a stop, no more than a few feet from it's original position. I didn't notice the woman walking toward me, until I'd nearly bumped into her.

"Sorry". I apologized, as I stepped around her to continue on my way.

"Connie"? she said suddenly.

"Yeah". I answered, looking closer, and noticing it was one of my neighbors. "Mrs. Mitchell". I said.

"How are you dear? I haven't seen you around for a few days". She stated, but what she really meant to say was 'have you and Miles separated, because I've noticed you haven't been home for a few days'.

"I'm doing ok, thanks". I chose to ignore the last part, knowing that she was just fishing for gossip.

"How's Miles"? Another ploy to find out if divorce was in the cards.

"He's good thanks". I replied. "Listen, I'm sorry, but I really have to go". I continued on my way.

Before long, I was back at the house. I walked up the front steps, and let myself in. Almost immediately, I was drawn into a hug. After a few seconds the person pulled away, saying a few words to me, non of which really registered. Then another person pulled me into a hug. It was when they pulled away that I noticed it was Coach Orion and Coach Bombay. They looked older somehow than the last time I had seen them a few months ago, when all the ducks were together last. It was as though, the news of Julie was the reason behind their sudden aging.

"Where's Casey"? I asked, noticing she wasn't around.

"She's upstairs with Charlie". Coach Orion told me.

"Good luck to her then". I replied, and went into the kitchen.

"You wanna talk"? Orion asked, startling me. "You look like you could use a friendly ear". He smiled, as I leaned back on the work surface.

"Talking is all well and good, it's where to start that's the problem". I replied.

"Ok, first tell me what's going on between you and Charlie"? He took a position opposite me, leaning back against the sink and folding his arms, as if letting me know he was all ears.

"Oh I don't know. I suppose his locking himself away from us and the world is just really bothering me at the moment. I know people have different ways of grieving Coach, I really do, but he won't have anything to do with Jonah. It's as though he expects someone else to make sure Jonah is fed and cared for. He won't talk to any of us, and when we do get something out of him, he talks to us as though we don't care that Julie's gone". I began explaining slowly. " Earlier, I really wanted to punch him, to physically hurt him, the way he's doing it emotionally to us".

"Sounds like what you need is a punch bag". He smiled.

"Yeah with Charlie's face on it". I smiled back.

"Don't be too hard on him. He won't always be like this. You might find after today, he starts opening up a little more. It'll be a long time before he's anything like the Charlie you remember, but don't turn you're back on him. He needs you more than he's letting on".

"Thanks Coach". I stood up and fell into his arms.

"Hey what's going on in here"? Adam asked as he came in, followed Bombay.

"Nothing, Coach Orion's just telling me that he secretly thought that I was the best player at Eden Hall". I joked as I pulled away from Coach Orion. I know with the funeral and all, joking around was the last thing we needed, but the odd joke seemed to lift the tension slightly.

"In your dreams Moreau". Adam laughed a little.

Half an hour later, Casey came down the stairs, carrying a neatly dressed Jonah. I laughed on the inside, knowing he wouldn't stay looking that way long. Once at the bottom she planted Jonah on the floor, and he wobbled his way into the living room. He held on to some of the ducks legs to steady himself, before finally reaching the corner where all his toys were. Casey came over and embraced me tightly. She looked as though she had been crying all ready.

"Is he coming down or staying up there"? Bombay asked, obviously revving himself up for a motivational talk with his step son.

"Who knows. He's just sat staring out of that window. I don't think he even realized I was there". Casey replied.

"I'll go have a try". Bombay headed toward the stairs.

"No, leave him Gordon, it's no good getting him in a foul mood at the minute". Casey told him.

_**END FLASHBACK**_

That was the mood of the day. I was angry with one of my best friends, in fact I was ready to pummel him to scream at him to get a grip. It was hard for us all, trying to get on with things as best as we could, but not wanting to get back to normal too fast, incase we forgot about her.

So what do you think? PLEASE RR!


	9. Chapter 9

Disclaimer : I don't own anything so there!

XSARAH : Sorry, I've been a bit slow recently, haven't I? lol. But my excuse is I've been working lol. Anyways thanks for the support and review. CHEERS MI DEARS!

MOSHIMORO6785 : I don't know, if he doesn't come around it'll be much more fun… for me anyway lol. Anyways thanks for the support and review. CHEERS MI DEARS!

PUNKTEACHER : Yeah, I'm writing about the funeral, but probably not as in depth as I could, but I dunno, I've only ever been to one funeral, so I don't really have much experience with that lol. Anyways thanks for the support and review. CHEERS MI DEARS!

Chapter 9

I went into the bathroom, and stared into the mirror at my reflection. Though I had aged slightly, I was still proud to say, I looked pretty much the same as I did when I was in college. I didn't mind the fact I was getting older, at least I was able to grow old. My mind wandered to the funeral, as I began brushing my teeth. Though the occasion was a sad one, I couldn't help but notice the day had been a good one.

_**FLASHBACK**_

15 minutes after Casey had come down into the living room, Charlie followed. Granted he looked like death warmed up, but he neither said or looked at any of us. He seemed almost ghost like, as he wandered through into the dining room, where we had put all the flowers this morning. He picked the large one up, and headed out to where the cars had just pulled up. We all followed suite, some of us picking up the flowers, the rest of us, just following him out. The two limousines were parked just behind the hurse. I watched as Charlie passed the flowers to the pall bearer, then stood off to the side, as the other ducks passed there flowers.

I glanced at Charlie, who seemed, as though he wasn't really there. It was just his body, he'd left his mind and soul up in the bedroom. As I was looking at him, I noticed someone stood in the background just over his shoulder. It was then, I realized that the street had dozens of people stood on the side walk watching. At first this annoyed me, thinking they were just being nosy, and just wanting a bit of gossip. It was only when Averman came and stood by my side, and wrapped his arm around my shoulders before giving me a squeeze, that I realized, the people watching the proceedings weren't simply doing so to be nosy or anything like that, they were just paying their respect.

"Ok, let's get going". Bombay told us.

He climbed in the first car with Charlie, Casey, Guy, Goldberg, Adam and Averman. I chose to keep my distance from Charlie for a while incase we both made everything between us worse than they already were. I climbed in behind Portman, as we both helped Jonah in. Me, Portman, Jonah, Coach Orion, Russ, Luis, Ken, Dwayne and Fulton all climbed into the second limo. Jonah who had only met Coach Orion a few times previously and couldn't really remember much about him, was intrigued with him. He sat between us, continuously staring up at him in wonder.

"I think you've got a fan Coach". Ken quipped.

"I think you might be right Ken". Coach Orion replied.

The rest of the journey was almost deadly silent. Jonah muttered a few words, but nothing really coherent. I suppose in away, I was hoping he wasn't going to start shouting or anything during the service. Although, I know Julie would probably be ok with it, I didn't particularly want him to. When we arrived at the chapel, we all climbed out. Casey took Jonah from me, I suppose guessing that I really didn't want to be the one that coped with him. I watched with a lump in my throat as the pall bearers lifted Julie's coffin from the back of the hurse and make the journey to the front of the chapel. We all followed silently entering in two's. I was sat at the front with the ducks, leaving Miles to sit further back, my hands visibly shaking, my stomach doing flip flops.

As we were waiting for the vicar to begin the service, I heard slight murmurings coming from behind me and the ducks. I felt as though they were talking about me, because I hadn't spoken to Miles yet, and had left him to sit away from me. Also because I was giving the eulogy I felt they were thinking that I was going to mess it up. I began fidgeting uncomfortably, unable to control my actions of anxiety. Both Goldberg and Averman who I was sat between, comforted me, by squeezing my hands or rubbing my back. They both knew that giving the eulogy was going to be one of the hardest things I had to do.

The service seemed to fly by, and before I knew it, I heard the vicar declare that I was going to be giving the eulogy. I finally looked up at the vicar, and he nodded encouragingly, though it didn't exactly help. I hadn't brought a speech to read or anything. I had vaguely written something, but had sort of memorized it. I stood up and went behind the pew before staring out at the packed chapel. I was now more nervous than ever. A quick glance at the ducks, and seeing there encouraging faces, settled me slightly but not nearly enough.

"Um, now I'm up here, I don't really know where to start. Julie was my best friend, she might as well have been a long lost sister". I began stuttering, but finally found how I could continue. "There wasn't a thing I couldn't talk to her about. Over the passed week or so, my memories of Julie have been with me constantly. When I first met her, I thought she was amazing. Every puck we shot at her, she saved. From that moment on, we just continued to get closer and closer. People used to say the only reason we were as close as we were, was because we were the only girls on a hockey team of 11 boys. That wasn't it at all. I'm sure as most of you know, Julie had the most infectious personality, there wasn't a thing about her, you could dislike. She had this way of cheering you up, whenever you needed it, just by smiling. To be honest, I don't think half of us would have gotten through high school, if it hadn't been for her. Even if she didn't take the same class as you, or understand the work properly, she'd just take off, research it, then come back to you and explain everything. There isn't many friends like her, that would do that". I gulped, trying to fight the tears. "I know most of you were there, when she married Charlie. I remember being in the bridal room with her just before, and all she could say was that she was marrying the man of her dreams. That day she sparkled with happiness like I had never seen her do before. She was floating on cloud 9, nothing could have brought her down. Even a year after they were married, she was still glowing as though she were still on her honeymoon". I wiped at the few tears, before taking a deep breath and continuing. "When she was told that her condition was terminal, she saw it more as a blessing, it takes a special kinda person to do that. And that's exactly what Julie was, a very special person. I can't speak for everyone, but I know there won't be one day that goes by, that she won't be on my mind, be with me every step, and still be very much alive within my memory". I ended, and headed still shaking back to my seat.

The vicar continued, saying a few prayers, before declaring that we were now going to commit Julie to the ground. We followed solemnly to her final resting place. More prayers were said, as her coffin was lowered gently into the grave. All the ducks, Bombay, Orion and Casey tossed a handful of Earth in, I tossed a single white rose. We had discussed placing her jersey's in with her, but we decided to put the spare ones she had in and kept her original ones in a frame.

We slowly made our way back to the awaiting limo's. Without thinking we climbed into the same cars as the trip here. I squeezed between Portman an Fulton, who were both unusually solemn. I hated seeing them this quiet, it wasn't right somehow, yet I knew it was too much for them to be there usual selves.

"It was a beautiful service don't you think"? Ken suggested, though I wasn't particularly listening.

A round of agreement was replied, yet I remained silent, staring at nothing in particular, but wishing that I really wasn't here. I didn't want to be having this conversation, or be sat in this car. I wanted to be at home or work, anywhere but here, where everything was back to normal, anywhere that I could believe Julie was still around.

"Con"? A hand waved in front of my face.

"Huh, what, sorry". I apologized, as I came back to Earth.

"I said your eulogy was touching and heartfelt". Dwayne told me.

"Thanks". I muttered, then spaced out again.

"Con"? I heard someone say again.

"Yeah". I replied, not really paying much attention.

"You ok"? It felt weird hearing Portman ask me this, he rarely asked things like this. Though we all knew he cared deeply about each of us in his own way, we had all long since accepted he wasn't the touchy feely type that would openly worry.

"Yeah". I figuratively speaking shook myself, ridding myself of my previous thought, before leaning closer to him, and nudging him with my shoulder. "I'm ok". I clarified.

Not long after, we arrived back at Charlie and Jonah's. It felt weird acknowledging that this wasn't Julie's home anymore. Casey had put a small spread on for the few mourners who had followed us after the service. I was in by no means in a very sociable mood, and managed to sneak out back, where I leant on the porch railing, looking out on the huge lawn.

"Hi". I heard someone behind state.

"Hey". I replied, knowing exactly who it was.

"How's it going"? The air seemed thick between us.

"I've been better. You"? I was spent, I lacked all energy I needed to hold a conversation with anyone.

"Yeah, I'm doing ok". Neither of us seemed to know exactly what to say to each other. "I've missed you these passed few days". He told me.

"I'm sorry I haven't been around much". I apologized.

"No, it's ok, I know"… Miles dismissed my apology. "Listen, I have to go. Should I expect you home tonight"? He asked.

"Maybe. I don't know yet". I replied.

"Ok. Love you". He told me, closing the gap between us, and leaning forward to kiss me. In one quick movement, I turned my head slightly, so he ended up kissing my cheek.

"Ditto". I replied. I saw the slight disappointment flash in his eyes, but it quickly disappeared, as he said his final goodbyes, before leaving.

Again I turned my attention back to the back garden, watching birds flit around in the late afternoon sun. I suppose it was then that I realized, that I had pushed Miles away this past week. I knew I should feel overcome with guilt, but strangely, there was only a slight sense of guilt, which soon dissipated.

"There you are"! Averman stated, as he and a few of the others joined me.

"Yeah, here I am". I answered gloomily.

"What you doing out here"? Guy asked, leaning on the railing next to me.

"I just wanted some air that's all".

Where's Miles"? Guy asked again.

"Oh, um he had to go". I answered.

_**END FLASHBACK**_

After that day, everything seemed abnormal. There was nothing to really fill the days. Before, there was everything to sort through, but now that the funeral was over, emptiness filled the long days. There was nothing to focus my attention on, except the loss of my best friend. I did go home that night, though I said hardly anything to Miles, and truth be told, spent nearly all night, pretending to be asleep, but secretly sobbing, as the finality of my loss really hit home.


	10. Chapter 10

Disclaimer : I don't own anything so there!

XSARAH : Arr thank you. You're so kind. Anyways thanks for the support and review. CHEERS MI DEARS!

KATIE : Hey you! I'm' not going to beat you lol. And if I was, why a wet noodle? Lol. Other than the fact it wouldn't hurt lol. I know what you mean, if my best friend died, I'd be so lost. I mean there'd be no-one to go into a betting shop with me to bet on horses then jump up and down screaming when they win, there'd be no-one to tell me that she'll come with me when it's my driving test. Physically shakes self. Anyways she's not dead Touches wood, but maybe I'm gonna dedicate this story to everyone's best friend lol. Yeah lol. I feel a bit sorry for Miles too, but never mind, I'm sure I'll get over it lol. Yeah, course it's a review, and I wouldn't care even if you just wrote one saying HI lol. Anyways thanks for the support and review. CHEERS MI DEARS!

**_DEDICATED TO ALL THE BEST FRIENDS IN THE WORLD LOL!_**

Chapter 10

After I brushed my teeth, I stood staring at my reflection in the mirror. Nothing in particular made me look, but around my neck was a small gold chain, with my first wedding ring on it. Though I had been divorced for a number of years, I hadn't had the heart to get rid of the ring, it stood for a significant part of my life, one of which I'm very proud to have had.

_**FLASHBACK**_

Time seemed to fly after the funeral. Long before any of us where ready, we were saying goodbye to the ducks, Casey, Bombay and Orion. I say we, in fact it was just me and Adam, Charlie seemed neither interested or bothered by their disappearance. He spent most of his time locked in his room, having nothing to do with anyone. I had kept my distance from him since the funeral, knowing that I would no doubt say something I may regret later. Adam and I rallied around, knowing we both had to go back to work in a weeks time, and there was no way Charlie was going to be back to his old self in time to look after Jonah.

We had interviewed numerous child minders, until we found one that suited the situation. Sophie was a middle aged woman, who had several qualifications to do with child care, as well as raising 4 of her own children. She'd only had 2 previous employers since the children she'd cared for had grown up. She had never been fired or resigned from her post, and her police check that all child minders had to have, was clear. She was understanding about our whole situation with Charlie and even insisted that she come and spend more time with Jonah, so that he could get used to her before left with her full time. Thankfully he was more than willing to accept her.

Adam told Charlie all of this, but he never got a reply. I was beginning to worry, as he said or did nothing, and even after 3 weeks, he had lost a dramatic amount of weight. We even thought about calling in a doctor or something, as it was becoming a problem, but then we knew that Charlie wouldn't say anything to the doctor, and there wasn't anything really physically wrong with him. Again it came back to the concept of giving him time.

Though I had stayed at home more frequently over the passed 2 weeks, there was a rift slowly edging itself between myself and Miles. I was short and snappy with him, more so when I was frustrated by Charlie's behavior. We began getting like those old couples you see in restaurants that sit and talk about the menu, but once their order has been placed, they sit in complete silence.

Miles was trying desperately to get me to talk things out with him, but I didn't. I suppose deep inside I shut him out because this was a duck matter, and ducks flew together. He wasn't a duck therefore he wasn't really needed, or so I thought. I pushed him to his limits without even realizing, but Miles being Miles, let me get away with it.

I was soon back at work, feeling the stress of it all over again. I suppose this was where things turned from bad to worse. Charlie was finally leaving his room for longer amounts of time than it took to make a drink and bite to eat. He often went out around lunchtime and didn't return until 8pm. So because Sophie only worked until 5.30pm, I had to keep heading over there to watch Jonah.

"Hi Sophie. You wouldn't believe the traffic on my way over here". I dashed into the house, 5 minutes passed her finishing time. "Sorry I'm a little late". I apologized.

"It's ok, I've only just finished giving him his dinner". She replied.

"Ok. Thanks. Um Charlie's not around is he"? I already knew the answer but I thought I'd ask anyway.

"No, he went out a little after lunchtime". She answered. "Anyway, I'll see you tomorrow". She bid farewell then left.

I went into the living room where Jonah was sat playing in his play pen. Immediately on seeing me, he called my name and got to his feet, before grabbing the side of the pen and rattling them until I went to him. He passed me his book, and I picked him up before sitting and reading it to him. Afterwards, he got down and went back to his trucks to play. Not long after, Adam popped around, and wasn't at all surprised at the lack of Charlie's presence. He didn't stay long as he was going away that night for a game the following day. After his departure I gave Jonah a bath and put him to bed. Normally by now Charlie was home, however I didn't start worrying straight away, because Charlie had been so unpredictable these days, there was no telling what time he'd come home.

He didn't return home until well after 10pm. Almost immediately on his entrance I jumped to my feet, relief washing over me. Within a few steps of him, I could smell alcohol, his eyes were unfocused and there was a slight sway to his walk.

"Have you been drinking"? I accused, though I knew the answer was yes.

"And if I have". He replied, quite loudly.

"Shh, Jonah's asleep". I hushed him.

"Ok, you be quiet, we don't want to wake him". He hissed, as he tiptoed exaggeratedly toward the stairs.

I followed him as he continued walking that way, into his room. He collapsed onto his bed, and fell asleep right there. Knowing I couldn't leave Jonah in his incapable hands, I pushed his legs further onto the bed, pulled his shoes off then covered him with the quilt.

When I got downstairs, I rang Miles to let him know I was staying here for the night. I could tell he was less than pleased by the news, especially when I mentioned the drinking part. Though I knew he understood why I was staying for Jonah's sake.

The following morning, I got myself ready for work, and got Jonah up and fed him his breakfast. Naturally Charlie wasn't awake yet, and though part of me wanted to go and wake him, the other part of me knew that he wouldn't be of much use anyway. Sophie arrived shortly after, and I warned her about Charlie's possible state, of which she accepted easily, telling me she understood that he was obviously going through a traumatic time. I was more than tempted though to stay and have a full blown argument with him as soon as he got up, but my better judgment told me differently.

I worked through my day, finding my mind was taken away from all my other problems, and to be honest when the clock struck 5 I really didn't want to go home, knowing what would be waiting for me. But guessing Charlie wouldn't be in, I headed straight over to his house to take over from Sophie.

That night was spent with Jonah, watching Adam on TV. Well it wasn't just Adam it was the hockey game, but Jonah continued shouting his name every time we spotted him. After the game, I put Jonah to bed and again rang Miles, telling him that I wouldn't make it home again. At this he sounded more angry about it, but again let it slide, telling me he would see me tomorrow.

The next day I only went to work in the morning, and headed home in the afternoon. I knew Miles would be home as this was a day he had off every week. When I walked in the house, he was neither happy or sad to see me. He was sat in the dining room, work papers scattered all over the desk, though on my entrance, he looked up, obviously planning on leaving the work.

"Connie we need to talk". He told me.

"What about"? I asked clueless, though knew it couldn't be anything good.

"You have no idea how hard this is for me to say, but it needs to be said. I know these past few weeks haven't been easy, but to be honest it's made quite a few things clear".

"Miles, what are you going on about"?

"I always knew I loved you, more than you loved me. But I didn't care, I had you in my life. But recently I haven't. I know you've had a lot of things going on, and it's probably been easier for you to turn to the ducks than it has been to come to me, but you've continually given me the cold shoulder, and I can't help but think that I'm never going to be enough for you". He began explaining. "I've always accepted that the ducks are a huge part of you and your life, but when their around, I don't seem to exist. I can't compete with them anymore".

"So you want me to choose between you and the ducks"? I asked incredulously.

"No. No I never want you to have to feel like you have to choose between me and them. I just think we need to have some time away from each other. For you to figure out whether you still want to be with me".

"I do want to be with you though. Things are just difficult at the moment. Charlie's struggling and then there's Jonah".

"See to me, they're just excuses, because if you really wanted to be with me, the excuses wouldn't exist".

Before things got any further, I simply nodded along with him, before offering to be the one to leave. Deep down, I knew everything he was saying was true, but I was too scared to admit anything was wrong between us. I left an hour later, giving him a hug and kiss, before telling him I'd speak to him soon. I did love him, and probably always would, but he was right, no matter how I fought it, things had changed between us.

I went back to Charlie's, purposely leaving my bag in the trunk of the car, where it remained until Sophie left later that evening. Charlie again had gone out, but for once I was glad, as I soon found myself crying through confusion and every other emotion that was running through me.

Later that evening, long before Charlie returned home, I went and set the guest bedroom up for myself. Though I was going to speak to Charlie about staying here for a while, I knew I would no doubted need to stay again. At about 11pm, I got fed up with waiting for him to return home, and headed off to bed, only to be awoken an hour later, upon hearing him stumble back toward his room. I knew then, that something was going to have to be done about this new found drinking hobby he'd taken up. I knew it was late, but it was something I felt I needed to do, so I grabbed for my cell phone, and sent Adam a text message asking him if he was free anytime tomorrow. Almost immediately I got a reply telling me he'd be around first thing in the morning. He must have guessed I needed to see him about Charlie.

_**END FLASHBACK**_

As many people say, things get worse before they get better, and they were right. Little did either me or Adam know, there was going to be some hard times to come with Charlie, and we'd both need the patience of saints to get him through.

So what do you think? PLEASE RR!


	11. Chapter 11

Disclaimer : I don't own anything so there!

XSARAH : Thanks for the support and review. CHEERS MI DEARS!

MOSHIMORO6785 : I know don't you just want to give him a good slap and a shake before screaming abuse in his face lol. Anyways thanks for the support and review. CHEERS MI DEARS!

Chapter 11

"You're beautiful". A voice from behind me spoke gruffly.

I turned and smiled. My husband was stood in the doorway, a mischievous grin plastered his face. He hadn't changed much, in all the years I had known him. I can't remember when it was exactly that I fell for him, I think it was just gradual. Maybe it was because of all the things we'd been through together that brought us closer, or maybe there had always been something there, I don't know maybe it was both. All I could think of was exactly what we went through together.

_**FLASHBACK**_

I awoke early that morning, having not slept well anyway. I just couldn't keep my mind off this whole Charlie situation. By the time I had woken Jonah up, it was still pretty early. I called Sophie and told her that I didn't need her today, then called my mom, and arranged for her to have Jonah for the day. See the thing was, Sophie wasn't allowed to care for Jonah in her own home, so that would mean her having to take Jonah out for the full day so that me and Adam could talk with Charlie. By 8am, Jonah was around at my moms. I could see her question my motives, though she dropped that and began asking me why I wasn't at home yesterday afternoon when she called. I loosely explained that I was round at Charlie's. I wasn't really ready to admit to the whole world that my marriage was sinking. Half an hour later, I left and headed straight back to Charlie's and tidied until Adam's arrival.

"Hey". He entered, kissing my forehead and hugging me in greeting. "Where's Sophie and Jonah"? He asked glancing around himself for any sign of Jonah.

"I've given Sophie the day off and my mom's got Jonah. I didn't want either of them to be here for this". I replied.

"Sounds serious". He followed me into the living room.

"It is". I replied. "Or it could be". I clarified. "It's about Charlie".

"Why aren't I surprised". He butted in, though his tone was surprisingly full of annoyance. I couldn't figure whether it was because he was annoyed at me for calling him round to talk about Charlie, or whether it was because he too was getting annoyed with Charlie's behavior. "Sorry, I'm not mad at you". He clarified, probably reading my hesitance. "What's he done now"?

"He's started drinking". I told him.

"Drinking"? Adam looked at me slightly confused, but slightly understanding at the same time.

"Yeah. It's happened a few times now". I told him, watching face change from confusion to slight anger. "I mean he's not exactly blind drunk when he comes home, but I just thought we ought to try an nip this in the bud before it gets too out of hand".

"You're right, this needs sorting out". Adam agreed. "Where is he now"?

"Still in bed. We'll probably not see him again until this afternoon". I told him.

"You wanna bet on that". Adam stood and strolled into the kitchen and poured Charlie a mug of hot coffee that had recently brewed.

I followed him up the stairs and stood just outside Charlie's room as he let himself in, shouting Charlie's name. I heard a few grumblings, then Adam say loud and clear, that the coffee was on the bedside table, and that he was to come downstairs in 10 minutes, otherwise he'd come back up and drag him down. I had never seen this side to Adam, he wasn't forceful, yet I knew his tone was enough to make Charlie come down.

10 minutes later, a sleepy eyed, yet fully dressed Charlie appeared in the living room doorway. I smiled, as encouragingly as I could manage. He just looked blank toward me in return.

"Morning Charlie". Adam startled him, by coming up behind him, a plate of toast in hand.

"Humph". Charlie took the toast, and slumped down on the sofa opposite myself. "What's this, a Brady bunch reunion"?

"I see you haven't changed much in the morning grumpiness department". Adam sat beside me.

"Whatever". Charlie replied distastefully. "What do ya want anyway"? He asked impatiently.

"We want you to start acting like Jonah's father, to start taking responsibility for your own son, to stop going out and getting drunk every night". Adam began, getting straight to the point.

"Charlie, I know it's been hard, but Jonah"… I began trying to explain.

"You don't though. You both sit there, preaching to me, about how to live my life, and make it as perfect as yours are. That isn't going to happen, because neither of you had to sit with your partner and lose them". Charlie got very defensive, very quickly.

"You think we don't miss Jules. My God Charlie, we miss her more than you think. Like right now, I wish she was here, to talk some sense into you". I too got angry. "Ok, so she isn't here anymore, we can't do anything about that, but she left you the most precious gift ever. All we have left of her, are our memories and photo's. You, you have her flesh and blood, something she cherished more than life itself, yet everyday, you pretend he doesn't even exist". I shouted at the top of my lungs, my voice booming angrily. I was so mad with him, I was fighting the urge to lash out at him. "Jonah needs a father Charlie, he's just lost his mom, don't make him lose you too". I lowered my voice slightly, as tears came rushing down my cheeks.

"Just stay out of my life". He shouted in retaliation as he stormed out of the house.

"Oh that went brilliantly". I said dejectedly.

"Connie, we can't do much more, except care for Jonah and hopefully he'll start to realize just how much he means to him". Adam squeezed my shoulder, as he stood up by my side.

"Even that might not be enough". I almost whispered.

"How'd you mean"? Adam asked curiously.

"Jonah could be taken away Adam". I admitted, finally allowing my biggest fear to come out in the open.

"By who"? He asked confused.

"Social services". I sighed. "Whenever a parent passes away leaving the other parent to care for the child or children, within the first year or so, social services can make checks on you, to make sure the child is getting the proper care or isn't being neglected. They let things slide for the first few months or so, because obviously the parent is probably still grieving, but if they have any doubt they monitor the parent carefully, and then they make a decision whether to take the child into care".

"But that's not going to happen to Jonah, because he has us and Sophie looks after him during the day". Adam replied confidently.

"It doesn't make a difference. The child could have all the carers in the world, but if the parent is seen unfit, then the child can and will be taken in to care". I hated admitting this. "And Charlie definitely fits under the unfit category at the moment".

"How do you know all this"? He asked suspiciously. I knew he was thinking that I had purposely looked into it.

"Because it works similarly for adopted kids too". I sat opposite him.

"But"… He began, and I knew he had clicked on to what I was saying.

"I'm not a blood Moreau". I half heartedly smiled.

"How, Why didn't we know"? He asked almost speechlessly.

"Because I never told you guys". I admitted. "Because you didn't need to know". I told him, seeing him slightly understand. "David and Sue, my parents, might not be biological, but they care and love me so much more than whoever my biological parents were, did".

"You don't know who your biological parents are"?

"No, and I don't need to know. I know any medical history and things, incase you know, they end up with a hereditary disease or something, but that's it. They aren't parents, they never were. A mom and dad are people who **_really_** care about you, whether you're their biological child or not. My parents are all I've ever needed, it doesn't matter that we don't share the same blood".

"But, but you look so much like Carl and Jamie". He stated, referring to my two older brother Carl, 29 and Jamie 25.

"Luck of the draw I guess". I laughed slightly. "Listen, I don't mind people knowing, but I'd appreciate it if you"… I began.

"Between me you and these four walls". He smiled.

"Thanks, it's just I don't want my mom and dad to think I haven't been happy or anything". I tried explaining the best I could. "So, what do we do about Charlie"? I asked changing the subject.

"I think we are getting in over our heads here". He admitted, leaning back into the couch, and sighing deeply.

"Duck call huh"? I asked.

"Think it's looking that way yeah". He told me. "Let's give him another few weeks, try a few more times, and if nothing happens, duck call".

I agreed with his plan, hoping and praying that we'd get through to Charlie before then. An hour or so later, Adam went to practice, and I began getting ready to pick Jonah up. I knew there was a stop I needed to make first. On the way, I picked some lilies up, and drove over there. I walked steadily dodging the headstones that lay in my path. The route was a memorized one, and I could have found my way blindfolded. I soon came upon the right spot, with an elegant rhinestone headstone with Julie's name, her birth and death dates, and a small passage that read 'Wife, Mother, Friend and Duck' then directly underneath 'QUACK'. I knelt by her graveside, placing the lilies gently leaning on her headstone, before running my fingers tenderly over the words.

"Hey Jules, it's me". I greeted her, in the same way I had done since I had met her. "I know I promised you, I'd help Charlie and Jonah through everything, but Jules, I'm trying, but I can't try much more. Everything's so messed up and I don't see anyway of putting them right. I knew it wasn't going to be easy, but I didn't realize that it was it was going to be this hard either". Tears stung my eyes. "There's never been a time I needed you more than I do now. I know you know that things between me and Miles have been difficult, and that we've separated for a while. And everything he told me was true. I always did put the ducks first, always pushed him into the sidelines. I don't blame him for wanting to end things, maybe deep down, things have never really been how they should have between us, and I believe him when he says he loves me, more than I do him. Because in all truthfulness I don't think I ever opened my heart fully for him, I always held him at arms length, and the ducks closer". I admitted. I just felt my whole emotions being poured out, feeling slightly better for it. "The only person that could help me solve this, and everything I'm going through with Charlie, is you, but you aren't around, and I don't know what to do. I know Charlie needs Jonah more than he's letting on, but how, how do I get him to understand this. Please Jules if you're listening, just please help me". I wept, leaning onto the headstone and crying my heart out. "Help me, please help me". I cried, feeling my whole world come falling down around me.

_**END FLASHBACK**_

Looking back, I never realized at the time, how close I was to having a nervous breakdown. I had too much to deal with, and never let anyone take any pressure off me, incase it gave me a spare few minutes to think about things properly. I was scared, scared of grieving fully incase I grieved too much or that once I started, I'd never stop.

So what do you think? PLEASE RR!


	12. Chapter 12

Disclaimer : I don't own anything so there!

XSARAH : Of course Adam's cool, Adam's the COOLEST, HOTTEST, GORGOUSEST – not even a word but it is now lol – heck he's just the BEST lol. Anyways thanks for the support and review, and sticking with me throughout this story lol. CHEERS MI DEARS!

HOCKEY-GIRL90 : Ohh do tell who you think it is? Lol. Actually f you read carefully, I never actually hid it lol. Anyways thanks for the support and review. CHEERS MI DEARS!

Chapter 12

As I climbed under the cool sheets of my bed, two arms wrapped around me, holding me tightly. Maybe someone hugging me tightly, was what I needed all those years ago. Someone to hold me tight and tell me that everything would work itself out was what I truly craved. Things were pretty messed up for quite a while, I always knew they wouldn't be better straight away, but what can I say, I was young and naïve, and never really knew exactly how messed up things were getting, and how long it was going to take for wounds to heal.

_**FLASHBACK**_

A few weeks later, things had improved, but only very slightly. Charlie stopped drinking, but he still took very little notice of Jonah. He had realized I was living there, but I don't think he realized it was because I couldn't go home. Adam found out about me and Miles, and to say he was shocked was an understatement, but he agreed in not saying anything until I was ready. He offered me a spare bed time and time again, for if ever I got too out of my depth with Charlie. Sophie continued working for us, though I knew she too was struggling with the whole Charlie situation, in fact some days she nearly darted out of the house on my arrival. Though Charlie didn't drink, he still spent little time in the house, and neither me or Adam had a clue as to where he disappeared.

"Connie, there's a phone call on line 3 for you". The receptionist popped her head around the door.

"Thanks". I smiled at her, picking the phone up, and accepting the call. "Hello Connie Moreau". Thankfully I hadn't changed my name at work after marrying Miles.

"Connie, it's Sophie". The voice spoke.

"Hi Sophie, what's up? Is Jonah ok"? I knew there was something wrong as she never called me and work unless there was something wrong.

"No, no Jonah's fine. But I need to leave early today, and I won't be able to work for a few weeks. One of my Grandchildren is ill, and I'm needed by my daughter to help look after the other children". She told me.

"Ok, no problem. Um what time do you need me to be there for"? I asked, knowing Jonathan wasn't going to be over the moon about me having to take more time off.

"3pm". She told me.

"I'll be there". I replied, before saying my goodbyes.

I immediately headed for Jonathan's office to tell him the news. I was told by his secretary that I was ok to go in. I stepped cautiously in, seeing him wave me over to sit down, whilst he finished his phone conversation. I only had to wait a few minutes before he finally put the phone down.

"So, Connie, what can I do for you"? He looked at me in the eye.

"Well, Jonah's child minders, just called me. She's got a family emergency and has to leave early tonight, and might not be back for a few weeks, so, I um need to leave early today and won't be able to come back to work until I've sorted something out for him". I told him, seeing him sit back into his chair and let out a deep sigh.

"Connie, you're a good photographer, wait no scratch that, an excellent photographer, but these passed few weeks, your work has really slipped. You constantly have to be leaving early to care for someone else's child. I've let it slip until now, but I'm afraid you can't keep going on like this". He told me, in an even tone.

"What are you saying Jonathan? Are you firing me"? I asked.

"No I'm not firing you. But you have to make a decision. It's your job or this Jonah". He told me bluntly.

"You want me to choose between helping my best friend care for is child and my job"? I asked incredulously. "I'm sorry Jonathan, there isn't any competition. Jobs come and go, but my friends don't". I stood up, and walked out.

I headed straight for my office, and began packing my things into a few boxes. I didn't realize the tears that slowly dripped from my eyes. I loved this job, but put at the side of Jonah, there wasn't a choice.

"Connie, what the hell are you doing"? Xander asked as he came in, confused at my antics.

"Collecting my things. I just quit". I told him.

"What? Why"? He almost shrieked.

"Jonathan's just given me an ultimatum. My job or Jonah. There isn't a choice". A few stray tears ran down my cheeks.

"Stop packing. I'm going to have a word with him". Xander fumed.

"No Xander, don't, please. I don't want to work for someone who doesn't have any compassion". I packed my final things. "I've loved every minute working with you Xand, I'll see you around". I stood on my tip toes and planted a kiss on his cheek, before leaving.

I drove straight back to Charlie's, tears coming and going every so often. I wasn't particularly upset that I had quit, I think it was just that, everything was getting more and more messed up, rather than easier. More or less as soon as I walked through the door, Sophie gave her apologies at having to call me at work, then left, telling me she'd contact me at some point, then left. Jonah was in his play pen, playing with his trains. I sat deeply into the sofa, feeling my shoulders sag.

"Choo, chooo, look, choo chooo". He help a train up for me to see.

"Oh wow, is that train you got there sweetie". I turned my attention to him.

About an hour or two later, Adam's car pulled into the driveway. I was slightly shocked by his appearance, as I wasn't expecting him. I headed to the front door to greet him.

"Hey, what you doing here"? I asked, as I pulled the door open.

"Hi. Um, I came to take Jonah off Sophie's hands for a couple of hours", He told me, kissing my cheek gently in greeting. "What about you? Aren't you supposed to be at work"?

"Yeah, I was. Sophie called, she's got a family emergency or something". I told him.

"And let me guess Charlie was conveniently out of the way". Adam said bitterly.

"Yeah, I suppose so". I replied.

"How longs she gonna be away for"?

"Um, she doesn't really know, a couple of weeks probably". I answered.

"Ok, well I can look after him, Monday morning, Tuesday afternoon"… He began going through his schedule in his mind.

"It doesn't matter Adam, I got it". I told him.

"No, it's ok, your boss will be pretty pissed if you have to keep having time off". He told me, still mentally checking his schedule.

"Oh, I think we crossed that bridge a long time ago". I sighed. He immediately looked at me awaiting an explanation. "I quit this afternoon". I told him.

"You quit? Why"? His jaw dropped and his eyes widened.

"Jonathan wanted me to chose between my job and looking after Jonah".

"Connie, I'm sorry". He tried to comfort me.

"No, it's ok. It's just a job, I'll get another one no problem when Sophie gets back".

"Yeah, but if Charlie actually sorted himself out, you wouldn't have had to chose". Charlie was a bitter subject with him at the moment. "I think it's time to duck call". He admitted.

"Yeah". I too admitted, feeling a little relief to know that they'd all come, and we wouldn't be fighting Charlie alone.

Later that evening, we took it in turns calling the ducks, loosely explaining that we needed them. Non of them seemed to ask questions, just agreed and said they'd get there as soon as possible. I suppose they knew exactly why it was that we needed them.

_**END FLASHBACK**_

There has been times in my life when I thought I needed the ducks, some of which I really did need them. There was no time other than this that I really truly needed them. And like true friends they came. Who can say exactly what I needed from them, maybe it was just their presence that seemed to give me confidence, or maybe it was because I knew I would never be alone with them near by. Either way they came to see me through this troubled time to the bitter end.

So what do you think? PLEASE RR!


	13. Chapter 13

Disclaimer : I don't own owt so there!

XSARAH : Ain't he just, thinking bout it, my boss' boss is also the biggest jerk you'd ever possibly meet lol. Anyways thanks for the support and review. CHEERS MI DEARS!

KATIE : Hey don't worry about it, I'm not a good reviewer either lol. Arr bless ya, aren't ya so sweet lol. Anyways thanks for the support and review. CHEERS MI DEARS!

Chapter 13

As my eyes adjusted to the sudden darkness, the few pictures I always kept close came into view. There were 3 all together. The first of me, my husband and the kids, the second being me, my two brothers and parents, and the third, maybe one of most precious pictures I owned. It was the last picture taken of all the ducks together, about 6 months before Julie's death.

_**FLASHBACK**_

The ducks arrived a few days earlier, and were shocked at the change in Charlie. He totally ignored them, acting as though they weren't even around. The ducks weren't too shocked by this, considering his behavior just before they left, however both me and Adam were at the end of our tether with him. On a few occasions, Adam's anger reached it's limit and I truly thought he was going to punch him or something. Though to be honest I have no idea how he managed not too, considering Charlie's behavior.

"Look, you guys, I know he's being a royal prick at the minute, but I honestly don't think he's doing it to be hurtful. Well not purposefully". I tried understanding Charlie's point of view, but struggled.

"Then why all this bravado then"? Ken asked.

"I don't know. I suppose he's pushing us away because he's scared of losing one of us, and by pushing us away, he thinks he won't feel the pain if anything happens to any of us". I told them.

"But how do we get him to realize that"? Goldberg asked.

"I don't know. All I know is that me and Adam have tried everything we can think of, and we still haven't broken the ice with him". I looked around the room, at my closest friends, hoping that they might be able to come up with better plans. "Look, I'm gonna take Jonah round to my mom's, see if she can take him for a few hours". I stood up, grabbing my jacket.

A few minutes later, I was strapping Jonah into the car seat, I had long ago put in my car, since I was the only one who ever took him anywhere on a regular basis. As I climbed into the drivers seat, I could see Charlie peering through the drapes obviously more interested in his son than he was letting on. Choosing to carry on, I turned the key in the ignition and slowly backed out of the driveway.

There was hardly any traffic on the roads, and the journey began as a pleasant drive. The summer breeze was drifting steadily through the slight opening in my window. I was and always have been a careful driver, bar the time I was called up at work about Julie. I wasn't speeding, though I wasn't going too slow either. As the road widened, and we hit the long open stretch, I became aware of another car driving incredibly close to my rear bumper. I continued watching the road, glancing in my rear view mirror every so often. I pulled further into the edge of the road, hoping the car would take the opportunity and over take.

I suppose I was that busy concentrating on the car behind, and keeping into the very edge, that I didn't really notice the other car coming toward us on the opposite side of the road, and the car behind obviously can't have. Suddenly, I heard the roar of an engine, as the car behind turned sharply onto the other side of the road, and began over taking. It was then I suppose, that I saw the other car. There was no way, the over taking car, would be back in the correct lane in time. Suddenly the car began veering back into the correct lane. Instinct kicked in, and I swerved away from them.

Within seconds, I was slamming the breaks on, trying to avoid hitting the tree right in front of us. The wheels of the car didn't catch straight away on the soft earth, and before I could do anymore about the situation, we hit the tree head on. I felt my body being flung forward with incredibly force.

The next thing I remember, is waking up, hearing Jonah's screaming, and the loud pitched ringing of my cell phone. My head was banging, and my vision was slightly blurred, though I could make out the larger objects. I began trying to reach for my phone, logic telling me, I needed to call for help. As soon as I began moving, pain ran through my whole body.

"It's ok, don't move. We're hear to help". A soothing voice spoke.

I managed to point toward my phone, wanting them to answer it, or something. Before I found out whether they'd answered it or not, I blacked out again. The next time I came too again, there was something covering my nose and mouth. Though that was far from my worries. Jonah's screaming persisted, yet it somehow sounded further away.

"JONAH". I began screaming, forcing my body to start moving. "JONAH". I continued screaming, panic taking over my body.

"It's ok, he's fine, just try and relax". I was told, as I was held in the position I was originally.

"WHERE IS HE? JONAH"! I continued screaming. "JONAH". I squirmed, trying to move.

"Can one of you guys come and try to calm her down". I heard the same voice shout.

"Connie, it's ok, shh, calm down. You're gonna be ok. Jonah's fine, just stay as still as you can". I recognized the voice as Adam's.

"Adam"? I whimpered.

"Yeah, it's me". He soothed.

"Jonah". I murmured, feeling all my energy disappear.

"He's fine. I promise". His voice started sounding weird. "He's right over there, there's not a scratch on him". His voice was deepening, and sounded slow, as though he was trying to say it in slow motion, then everything went black again.

When I came round again, I could hear the rhythmical beeping noise, but nothing else. My head was banging, my whole body ached, there was a stinging pain in my hand. I started clenching my fist, feeling the stinging get worse every time I tightened my fist. I guessed I was in a hospital, but everything else was pretty much blank. Slowly I began to hear raised voices outside, though I couldn't make out the words. I knew it was the ducks, and slowly sat up. I couldn't see much, but just enough to know where the door was. I looked down, and saw a drip stuck in my hand. I ripped it out, feeling the pain as I did so. Slowly, I pushed myself to the end of the bed, knowing the cot sides were up. I stood up, holding the bed tightly, until I had regained a little balance. I stumbled toward the door, having to hold onto things to steady myself. As I got closer to the door, the words were becoming clearer.

"So what are saying Charlie"? Fulton asked him.

"I know I haven't exactly been with it these passed few weeks, and I know I haven't paid much attention to Jonah, but there was no need to go as far as this". His voice was anger stricken. "She could have killed herself and my son".

I slowly and quietly made my way out of the room standing just in the doorway, as I tried to focus on the ducks. The harder I tried to focus, the dizzier I became, until my whole world was spinning.

"YOU ARROGANT SON OF A BITCH". I heard Adam shout, as he bounded forward, and punched Charlie. "She has single handedly taken care of Jonah these passed few weeks, I can't believe you'd"…

"Connie". Portman said, his words become blurred again. "CONNIE". He shouted, as I gripped the wall, closing my eyes tightly, hoping the dizziness would pass.

The next thing I remembered, was waking up in the bed, the pain in my hand returned, along with the headache and sore everything. When I opened my eyes, I was glad to see, that my vision was slowly recovering, though there were still blurriness in the corners. Without moving too much, I searched around for the buzzer thing, wanting to call for a nurse. When I found it, I pressed it, immediately hearing the buzzer sound. Less than a minute later, a nurse sprang through the door. She said nothing, just checked the little TV screen thing at the side of my bed, then jotted the results down on a chart.

"How are you feeling Ms. Moreau"? She asked finally.

"Painful". I replied groggily.

"I'll have a word with the doctor and see if I can up your pain relief". She told me, looking at the drip bag. "You have a few visitors outside, would you like to see any of them". She told me.

"Yeah". I answered.

She left a second later, nodding her head gently. She closed the door quietly behind herself, though a few seconds later, it was being flung open again.

"Hey. How you feeling"? A voice asked softly. I recognized it immediately as Guy.

"Like I've just been checked into the boards by a full hockey team". I laughed gently, but immediately pain shot through my head.

"Glad to see you haven't been affected by the hit to the head". Luis chuckled.

"Jonah! How's he"? I asked, suddenly realizing that one of my last memories was of him screaming.

"Fine. There's not a scratch on him". Fulton informed me.

Slowly my vision returned to almost normal. Though every so often, my vision did go slightly more blurred but it only lasted a few seconds. Not all the ducks had come in to see me. It was just Guy, Luis, Fulton and Portman, as apparently the nurse wouldn't allow anymore. I did ask where Charlie, Jonah and Adam were, but the only reply was that Adam and Charlie were having a much needed chat, watched carefully by the remaining ducks.

_**END FLASHBACK**_

I suppose this was one of the few turning points for Charlie, helping him to realize exactly what his son meant to him. Though we are able to have a little laugh and joke about it now, at the time it couldn't have been more serious.

So what do you think? PLEASE R&R!


	14. Chapter 14

Disclaimer : I don't own owt so there!

A/N : Sorry for the delay in updating but I've been SOOO busy lol. I actually went to my first ever ICE HOCKEY game the other night. I know you must be thinking WHAT? I've been writing Ice hockey fanfics and NEVER been to game lol. But anyways, I loved every second of the game and well when I came out I couldn't speak because I'd screamed that hard throughout the game lol. Anyways ENJOY!

XSARAH : YAY for Adam lol. It's about bloody time though don't you agree lol. Anyways thanks for the support and review. CHEERS MI DEARS!

B : Thanks for the support and review. CHEERS MI DEARS!

Chapter 14

"Huuu… shhhh". The sound of my husbands gentle snoring came to attention. He always snored for the first half an hour of sleep, I suppose it was because he was going into a deep sleep. Most wives would hate it, but I didn't mind, it was my signal that I could move around in bed without waking him.

I turned over onto my back, and began staring at the ceiling. I didn't feel very tired, which in itself was pretty unusual as normally at this time, I'd have been fast asleep before my head had even hit the pillow.

_**FLASHBACK**_

The doctor told me I was suffering from a bad concussion and just general bruising all over. He had said he wanted to keep me in for a couple of days, but after spending one night and nearly all the following morning, I couldn't take anymore, and almost pleading with him to let me go home. Well I say home, it was Charlie's, since I couldn't exactly go back to the house I shared with Miles. My mom fussed and pleaded with me to go home with her so she could take 'proper' care of me. Don't get me wrong, I love my mom, but the thought of a few days, locked in house with her, caring for my every need, only gave me more of a headache. She was still non the wiser to why I couldn't go back 'home'. I told her Miles was away on business of which she accepted easily.

So the day after, the doctor discharged me, though he had a frown on his face the whole time. I'm almost sure Adam filled him in on the whole 'Julie' history, which helped to rock the boat my way. From the moment, I was allowed out of my hospital bed, I had 10 ducks fussing round me, making sure I was ok. When I got back to Charlie's, the fussing got 10 times worse, until I resigned myself to my room, where I got back in bed and slept some more. Once I was in my bed though, that was it, I wasn't allowed out of it at all. I hadn't realized at the time of my decision, but being here was worse than being at my moms, at least there was only one of her, but here there were 10 just like her.

I was just beginning to settle again, after having put up with Portman and Fulton regaling me with more stories of what they'd been up to, when there was a knock on the door.

"Come in". I sighed heavily, hoping and praying it was just one of them wanting the answer to a crossword puzzle or something short like that.

"Hey. Someone just wanted to come and say Hi". Charlie entered, behaving totally different than he had a few days previous.

"Conneee". Jonah screeched, walking in behind Charlie, gripping his dad's hand.

"Hey little guy". I sat up in bed, moving my arms over to the side, ready to lift him up to sit next to me. "You ok"? I asked, as he snuggled under the sheet next to me.

"Yes, ok". He answered, and I wondered if he actually understood the question properly. I looked toward Charlie for a more accurate response.

"Yeah, he's fine. Stop worrying about him". Charlie smiled toward me. "C'mon Jonah, Uncle Goldberg's waiting to take you downstairs. Say see ya later to Connie". He told him gently.

"See ya lata Conneee". He said cheerfully, standing up on the bed and planting a big wet kiss on my cheek.

"See ya later". I laughed, as he bounded from the room. "I'm sorry Charlie, I never meant"… I began.

"You don't have anything to be sorry for Con's. It's all me". He came closer and sat on the bed facing me. "I know you didn't plan on crashing your car, I know, I suppose I was just scared, and wasn't really thinking".

"Looks like we've both been in the wars". I pointed out his deeply bruised cheek and eye.

"Would you believe it took this to make me realize". He laughed gently.

"Well if I'd known, I would have obliged earlier". I laughed back. "Adam"? I already knew the answer.

"Yeah. He, um, gave me some home truths too". He admitted shamefully. "We've talked a lot these passed few days. He's made me realize exactly what I've put you all through, mainly you and him". I swear I could see tears in his eyes. "For what it's worth, I'm sorry. I was horrible to you, and never thought that you might be grieving just as much as me". A stray tear ran down his face.

"For what it's worth, I don't blame you". I whispered in his ear, after pulling him into a tight hug, where my own tears emerged. "I'm always gonna be here for you and Jonah".

"I'm so, so sorry". He broke down, with what I guess was all his emotions he'd kept locked up for months.

"It's ok. It's ok, let it out". I cried with him.

A minute or so later, Adam popped his head around the door. I suppose to check that everything was ok, and another argument wasn't about to erupt. On seeing Charlie in my arms, he smiled and nodded gently, before disappearing all together.

We must have sat there for quite a while, slowly calming down after each sob. In a way, I suppose relief hit me there and then. Relief that Charlie was finally facing his demons, and allowing me to face my own. We both needed this more than anything in the world. Neither of us had really grieved fully, I hadn't because I had pushed it aside, throwing myself into work, and caring for Jonah, as well as anything else that kept my mind away from Julie. Charlie hadn't really grieved properly, he'd just seemed to lock his emotions up, scared to face up to them.

"Are you gonna get back together with Miles"? He asked after pulling further away and twisting round to sit next to me.

"I don't think so". I admitted sadly. "There's too much water gone under the bridge".

"But you were so perfect together". He told me.

"We just weren't perfect enough". I replied.

After another few minutes, he left, telling me we'd talk more later. Once he'd left, I was give some space, and time to myself, without any of the ducks popping in every so often to check on me. My thoughts drifted to Miles. What he was doing right now, was he doing ok without me? That last thought, made me realize, that I was, in actual fact doing ok without him. By no means did it mean I was no longer in love with him, because I was, and I suppose a part of me always would be, but the familiar ache, that always seemed to pop up when you broke up with someone, was no longer there. I had come to the conclusion, that we weren't going to get back together, without even realizing it.

The following day, I made my way down the stairs, where everyone fussed making sure I was comfy. Once I was sat down, I wasn't allowed to move for anything. At first it was nice knowing I didn't have to do anything, but toward mid morning, it was getting slightly irritating.

"Charlie, can I borrow you car"? I asked eventually.

"Wh… Why? What for"? He asked, panic written all over his face.

"To crash into another tree. What do you think". I replied sarcastically. "I'm gonna go to my moms for a bit, she still doesn't know about Miles, and I'd like to tell her before she finds out from him or someone else". I told them.

"I'll take you". Adam offered.

"I'm perfectly capable of driving a car you know". I replied. "Someone just give me your car keys now". I demanded.

Eventually Charlie gave his up, with an extremely worried look on his face. As I took the keys from his hand, I reached up with my other hand, and placed 2 fingers in the corners of his mouth and forced a smile there.

"Call as soon as you get there". Luis shouted.

"If any jerk gets too close to you, pull over". Portman forewarned.

"If you don't want to drive back, call us and we'll come get you". Fulton added.

"Anything else, like keep your hands at 10 and 2? DADS". I asked sarcastically.

"Don't talk back to us young lady, you're not too old to be put across our knees". Averman joked.

"Is that a threat or a promise". I joked back. "Don't worry, I'll be careful. See you later". I left the house before they could warn me about anything else.

As I drove, I was slightly nervous, more so when I came to the area I'd had the accident, but I was so determined that I wasn't going to have to call any of the guys. I soon settled though, realizing I was just being silly. Finally, I reached my parents, I knew my brothers were there, as both of their cars were parked in the driveway. My dad was in the driveway, washing the car, He waved to me, then shouted that he'd be in, in a few minutes. I waved back, and made my way up onto the front porch, before letting myself in.

"Hey, it's only me". I shouted, closing the door behind myself.

"AUNT CONNIE"! Carl's two children screamed, as the bounded toward me.

"Hey guys, how's it going"? I hugged the both in turn. They replied, then ran off again in the direction of the back garden.

"Hey Kid". Carl enveloped me into a tight hug. "Sorry to hear about Jules". He said softly. Neither he or Jamie had seen me since my anniversary.

"Me too". Jamie came up behind, hugging me just as tight as Carl had.

"Thanks". I mumbled, as I hugged Carl and Jamie's partners, then my mom.

I quickly rang Adam's cell and told him I'd arrived safely. He told I was to ring before I set off, just so that they'd know, I was on my way.

"Don't start the party without me". My dad shouted as he wiped his hands, then jogged into the hallway where we were all still stood. He too grabbed me into a hug, before leading me into the living room, where he sat at one end of the sofa, huddling me close to him.

"Why didn't you guys tell me you were going to be in town". I asked my brothers, who I now only saw every so often.

"We **_were_** going to come over to yours to surprise you". Jamie filled me in.

"Oh, it'd have been a surprise alright". I tried smiling. "And it wouldn't have been me that was surprised". This was it, I was going to drop the bombshell.

"What do you mean honey"? My mom looked at me, though I could tell by the look in her eyes, that she already had her doubts.

"Um, me and Miles, well we aren't exactly, me and Miles anymore". I admitted.

"What are you saying? You've what, separated, had a fight"? Carl asked.

"Separated". I answered.

"How long"? My mom asked.

"About 3 weeks". I answered, shamefully, knowing I should have told them weeks ago.

"3 WEEKS"! My mom stated, shocked. I think she was more shocked that she hadn't noticed. "Why"?

"There's a lot of reason's mom. We were both just going down different paths". I didn't want to give them all the details, that was just too much.

"He wasn't cheating on you was he"? Jamie asked, his voice slowly filling with venom.

Though both my brothers were protective of me, Jamie was more openly protective. Carl worried from afar, only stepping in, when he deemed appropriate, whereas Jamie was always a mile ahead of Carl in the 'stepping in' department. I was a mixture I suppose of them both, I was very openly protective of my loved ones like Jamie, yet I was able to protect from afar like Carl.

"No Jamie. Miles would never do that. We both love each other, but we just wanted different things".

Discussions continued, though thankfully, Carl moved us onto the topic of our next family meeting. Suggestions were made of a family barbeque the following week. Everyone agreed, then my dad decided to drop me in it, by asking whether I'd be free as I was 'supposed' to be working.

"Yeah, I'm free". I answered lightly, thinking that one bombshell was enough today.

"What don't tell me you've been fired too". Jamie joked, playing off my tone.

"Ha, ha Jamie, but yeah, you're about right".

I got up from the couch and wandered around the room, looking at the photo's my mom had placed around the room. I stopped at one in particular of me and Julie in our college graduation robes. Julie had always been like a second daughter to my mom, and I'm sure if I was to wander around the house I'd find a few more pictures of Julie, probably they all had me in too, but that was us, we were both inseparable.

"I didn't get fired. I quit". I admitted. "Jonathan gave me an ultimatum of my job or Jonah". I hadn't taken my eyes from the photo.

"But why did you have to choose between them anyway"? Carl asked.

"Because, since Julie died, I've been looking after Jonah". I turned, tears in my eyes. "Charlie wouldn't have anything to do with him. He wouldn't have anything to do with anybody. He's only just come round".

"I hope Charlie knows exactly what you've done for him. I bet your split with Miles is because of him too". Though my mom had known about Charlie not coping, it was as though she'd finally pieced everything together.

"No, mom, me splitting up with Miles hasn't got anything to do with Charlie. And I don't want him to know I quit my job because of him and Jonah. He's got enough to deal with right now".

"Why are you doing this to yourself Connie. Just because Charlie was struggling, there was no need to quit your job and put your own life on hold". My mom had tears in her eyes, and I suppose she was frightened that I was doing too much for them.

"Because I promised Julie I'd help him. She asked me, she asked me when she was dying to help him. She laid there and asked me this because she knew". I broke down in tears. "She knew he wouldn't cope. I promised, and I'm not breaking that promise". I walked out of the room, into the kitchen, where I leant against the sink, gripping it tightly.

"Baby". My mom gently placed her hand on my shoulder.

"I miss her mom, I miss her so much". I wept as I turned into her arms, and collapsed in tears.

"I know you do baby. I know you do". As she hugged my tightly back, and I knew she too was crying.

_**END FLASHBACK**_

It had felt good to let everything out that day. More so because it was my mom who, was the one that I was telling everything too. I eventually did tell her everything about my separation with Miles, and to be honest she wasn't really surprised with anything I said after that day.

So what do you think? PLEASE R&R!


	15. Chapter 15

Disclaimer : I don't own anything so there!

XSARAH : Yeah, she does, doesn't she. It sometimes makes me wonder if there's ever a reason, I make a character like Connie's mom, the way they are lol. Anyways thank you once again for the support and review. CHEERS MI DEARS!

B : Honestly, so am I lol. As much as I love writer Charlie all angsty and such, he's much nicer to write when he's well normal I suppose lol. Anyways thanks for the support and review. CHEERS MI DEARS!

Chapter 15

I slowly felt my whole body relax. It had been a long road after Julie's death, but somehow, we all managed to get down it. Some days faster than others, but nonetheless we still got there. There wasn't a day, I didn't think of Julie, or even talk to her in my mind, and I presumed it would always be that way.

About 6 months after my car accident, I moved out of Charlie and Jonah's, into my own small apartment. It wasn't really home to me, as I rarely spent very long there. A lot of my time was spent with Charlie, Jonah and Adam.

Charlie had eventually gone back to the team after his compassionate leave was over, but he didn't start playing in games until the start of the next season. On the occasions where he was playing away, I looked after Jonah, and on the odd occasion going with the team. Once Charlie had settled back into a routine, I began looking for a new job, finding one with a family run business that specialized family photography. Though taking photo's of children and parents that all plastered fake smiles on their faces, was far from what I really wanted to do, the pay was good, and I needed to recreate my reputation.

A year later, I spoke with Miles again, and we came to the decision that our separation was for good, and we began proceedings for filing a divorce. Though we were still good friends, and decided that Miles should keep the house, in return he was going to pay for my share of our assets.

Nearly 2 years later, everything seemed to have returned to normal, well as normal as they'd ever be.

_**FLASHBACK**_

"Ok, you be good for Auntie Connie". Charlie hugged his son, that morning, as he left to catch the team bus to Wisconsin, where they were playing that night.

"I will". He scrambled away, more interested in playing than saying a proper goodbye to his dad.

"Love you". Charlie called, but it fell upon deaf ears. "Ok, right I'm going". He picked his bag up.

"Good luck". I hugged him tightly.

"Call me if you NEED anything ok. Um, I might make it back tonight, but we're not sure". He babbled.

"Look don't worry about it. Just concentrate on the game". I began gesturing for him to leave.

"Ok, see you later". He finally left.

I headed into the living room, where Jonah was playing with his toys. I sat down and watched him for a few minutes. At 4 years old, he was now growing daily. He was quite tall for his age, but Charlie was also pretty tall, up until Junior high, when I hovered over him. But then by puberty everyone seemed to hover over me. Though Jonah looked every bit like Julie, you could still see plenty of Charlie in him.

"So Jonah! What shall we get up too, today"? I asked the toddler.

"Go see Grandpa Mowow". He answered. As yet, he couldn't pronounce my last name. "Play with Grandpa's car". He told me, his eyes gleaming at the prospect.

I can't really remember how it came about that he called my parents Grandma and Grandpa, but he did. I think it might have been when he was playing with Carl's kids, and he just happened to copy them. It was just a simple mistake that non of us really felt needed rectifying.

"Ok, come and get your coat on then". I stood up and headed to closet, Jonah screeching his yippee's behind me.

Not long after, I was pulling up in my parents driveway. Jonah was almost bouncing out of his seat at the prospect of playing with my dad. Once the car was secured in the driveway, I went around the passenger side and helped Jonah out, before watching him dash inside, whilst I walked almost sedately behind him. As I walked through the front door, I could hear my mom asking him if he wanted a drink.

"No thank-you. Where's Grandpa"? He asked immediately.

"He's in his shed sweetheart". My mom replied, watching amused as he dashed toward the backdoor.

"Don't get in the way". I called. "Hey mom". I gave her a quick hug, before seating myself at the breakfast bar, watching her as she began preparing some vegetables for dinner.

"Jamie called this morning". She stated.

"Oh yeah. How's he doing"? I asked. Jamie and his wife Colleen had gone to Europe for a year with Jamie's work. He'd been gone a month, and the few times I had spoken with him, he'd sounded so upbeat and was obviously in love with the place.

"He say's they're having a wonderful time. They've got to spend another month in France, then they're going to start traveling through some other countries. I think he mentioned Berlin, and Venice, but the line was getting a bit bad by the time he mentioned that. He did tell me to tell you, that he'd sent you an email with something he thought you'd like". She told me. "It'll probably be his failed attempt at taking photo's". She laughed, knowing Jamie all too well.

"Probably, he never could take a decent picture". I laughed.

"He's gotten worse as he's got older. Only half of the photos of you and Carl that he took when you were younger have your heads cut off". She laughed some more, remembering our childhood days.

I spent the rest of the afternoon with my mom. Eventually we ended up getting the photo albums out and looking through them together one by one. To be honest, I really enjoyed myself, looking at my memories. There were even some photo's I can't ever remember posing for, like the one after we won our first pee wee championship, and I was stood in between Carl and Jamie, the one and only time I actually towered over them because of my skates.

"JONAH! It's time to go". I shouted from the back doorstep.

He had been locked away with my dad the whole afternoon. To be honest, I had forgotten all about him. I went and put my own coat on then grabbed Jonah's, waiting for him to come back in.

"My God you're filthy"! My mom exclaimed loudly. I headed back into the kitchen to see Jonah's hands covered in oil, with the frequent hand mark on his shirt. My dad looked pretty much similar, though he had overalls on.

"It's just a bit of oil Janet". My dad countered.

"Just a bit of oil he says. Look at him, he's covered in it". She argued back. I just laughed, as I watched Jonah looking on proudly.

"I've been helping Grandpa". He told my mom proudly.

"C'mon, let's get you cleaned up". She pulled a chair over to the sink, and picked him up on it, so he could wash his hands.

"Tell Charlie I think he's got a future mechanic on his hands". My dad told me as he pulled his overalls off.

"Funny, you said the same thing about me". I replied, smiling.

"Well you could have been if you had wanted to be. All you ever used to do when you were younger was play hockey and get underneath a car with me". He told me. I had never had the heart to tell him, that the only reason I used to get under cars with him, was just so I could hang out with him.

"I'll tell him". I agreed. "You ready". I asked Jonah, as he finished drying his hands. He nodded his head as I helped him on with his coat. "Ok, go say goodbye". I told him.

"Bye Grandpa". He wrapped his arms around my dad kissing him on the cheek.

"See ya later champ". My Grandpa stood up from the hug.

"Bye Grandma". He did the exact same thing to my mom.

"Bye sweetheart". She watched him head toward the door.

"Bye mom". I hugged her. "Bye Dad". I hugged him too, then followed Jonah out.

We were silent in the car until I had the car rolling easily. Jonah was sat in the passenger seat beside me, trying his hardest to be able to see properly out of the window.

"So have you had a good time with Grandpa"? I asked finally.

"Yea". He replied enthusiastically. "We've been fixing his car". He told me.

"Sounds like fun". I answered, knowing full well that they hadn't been fixing the car, it was more like fiddling with it.

That evening after dinner, we settled down to watch a couple of films. We watched Mary Poppins and Chitty Chitty bang bang, his two favorite films. He sat silently throughout both, pausing it every so often for the bathroom. Even now at 25 years old, I could still sit through all his favorite films, openly enjoying them. Charlie and Adam both pretended to hate watching them, but I found it funny, that as soon as the film came on, they both fell into silence.

After Chitty Chitty bang bang went off, I found the right sports channel and we awaited eagerly for the game to start. I think the only reason Jonah actually watched, was to spot his dad and Adam. He was still too young to really understand the game properly.

At the end of the 2nd period, I got up and went to pour Jonah his glass of milk and few biscuits. I could hear the rain hammering against the window, and I was glad I was inside. During the 3rd period, Jonah drank his milk and slowly but surely, he began to look tired. The game ended, the Wildes losing 2-1. As soon as the game ended, Jonah climbed willingly to bed. When I was sure he was asleep,. I left the room, leaving his night light on, and heading back downstairs. With nothing much to do, I sat on the sofa and put the radio on, listening to the soft music that emitted. Slowly I began to unwind, feeling myself relax.

Suddenly there was a big clap of thunder startling me, followed almost immediately by a flash of lightning. I turned the radio off, trying to listen out for Jonah moving around incase he became unsettled. The thunder clapped another 5 times, before I heard a small voice, shouting my name. I quickly headed up the stairs, finding Jonah cowering under his quilt, his teddy tight in his grip.

"Oh sweetie, it's ok, it's just a thunderstorm". I held him close to me.

"I'm scared"! He cried, as another clap of thunder roared.

"Tell you what. Just this once. How about we get the quilt from the spare room, and we go downstairs and snuggle up on the sofa"? I asked.

"Yea". He replied, a small smile creeping slowly onto his face. "Can we watch the lion king"? He asked.

"Yea, we can watch the lion king".

After about 5 minutes we had had settled down on the sofa, quilt cover wrapped snuggly around ourselves and began watching the film. Jonah fell back to sleep just before Mufasa's death. To be honest I was enjoying watching it, so left Jonah where he was, and continued watching.

"Connie, Con wake up". I heard a soft voice. I slowly opened my eyes, to see Charlie sat on the coffee table. Behind the TV screen was snowy.

"What time is it"? I asked slowly trying to get up, then realizing Jonah was still fast asleep in my arms.

"Past midnight". He replied. "Looks like you two had fun". He stated, smiling.

"He was scared of the storm so we decided to watch the lion king". I replied, as he gently picked Jonah up.

I followed him with the quilt back upstairs, as he put Jonah back in bed. Whilst he was tucking Jonah in, I went back downstairs and started tidying up a little. I was just rinsing Jonah's glass out, when Charlie came down. He came in and lent against the work surface.

"You didn't need to do that". He told me.

"Too late, I already did". I laughed, then turned around and lent on the work surface opposite him.

"So what did you get up to, today"? He asked.

"We went to my mom and dads. Jonah wanted to play with my dad". I laughed at the phrasing. "My dad reckons we're going to have a future mechanic on our hands". I told him.

"We do, do we". He laughed.

"Anyway, good game tonight, sorry you lost though". I realized the more we talked, the later it was getting. "I best get going".

"You can stay if you want. It's a bit late to be heading home by yourself". He told me as I grabbed my bag and coat.

"No, it's ok, Apparently Jamie's sent me an email, and I'm curious what it is". I replied, finding my keys.

"Ok. Um, I'll see you tomorrow". He opened the door for me.

"Yeah". I replied, standing just in the doorway.

We both went to hug/kiss each other goodnight just as we always did, but as Charlie leaned further down, we both seemed to change direction and our lips touched gently. It was by far anything like your average friendly kiss, it was a, full on, thoughts out the door, kind of kiss. After a few seconds, we both pulled apart, shocked at we had both just done.

"I… I b…best be… be going". I stuttered, rushing away from the house and to my car.

_**END FLASHBACK**_

I smiled gently, remembering the awkwardness of the that night, and the following few days after. I suppose we both thought we were betraying Julie, but to be honest, after that night, there was no denying that there was something between us.

So what do you think? PLEASE R&R!


	16. Chapter 16

Disclaimer : I don't own nowt!

XSARAH : Arr bless ya. I'm real glad you enjoyed this chapter, and hopefully you'll like this chapter just as much. Anyways thanks for the support and review. CHEERS MI DEARS!

KATIE : Arr don't be so hard on yourself, I know whether you review or not, that you'll read it at some point lol. I'm psychic you see, or is that psycho lol. Anyways thanks for the support and review. CHEERS MI DEARS!

B : Glad you approve of the kiss lol. Anyways thanks for the support and review. CHEERS MI DEARS!

MEME-ANN : You're not sad, cause if you were, what would that make me – super douper sad lol. I'm glad you approve of the whole Charlie/Connie thing lol. Can I just ask though? What's OTP? I'm that thick I can't work it out lol. Anyways thanks for the support and review. CHEERS MI DEARS!

ANNA : I think you're actually the first, that has recognized Miles and Jonah from Nicholas Sparks lol. I love Bend in the road, I think that's got to be one of my favorite of his books. I love every single one up to date, though haven't read 'three weeks with my brother yet', but I think my main favorites would have to be 'the guardian', 'the rescue' and 'bend in the road'. The first few times I read 'the guardian' and 'the rescue', I actually cried, how sad does that sound lol. Anyways thanks for the support and review. CHEERS MI DEARS!

C-CHAN96 : Don't worry about it, I'm not gonna hunt you down or anything lol. So this is gonna be a pretty long thank you thingy, cause I can't believe you've reviewed **_EVERY_** single chapter lol. Right so**_ Review 1:_** I know writing Connie Ryan and Julie Conway was really weird, I kept wanting to write Moreau and Gaffney lol. **_Review 2 : _**Yea ain't she sweet with him, I love Jonah, I want a Jonah, even though I can't stand kids lol – they get on my nerves so bad lol. Arr don't worry, it's a nice death, if death can be nice lol. **_Review 3 : _**I'm pretty sure, already knowing the outcome is cheating, you know, but I'll let you off lol. Sounds like you bite your nails a lot lol, it's a bad habit you know lol, one that I also have lol. **_Review 4 : _**Yeah, you are pretty perceptive lol, or maybe it's cause you already know the outcome lol. Ah, so that's why you waited so long to read is it lol, so you could read it all in one lol, actually that's pretty good thinking lol. **_Review 5 : _**Truthfully, that's kinda where the idea came from. I didn't want it to be exactly the same, but wanted I to be similar, so I'm gad everyone seemed to find it ok lol. I'm glad you enjoyed the depressing parts so wonderful, I think lol.**_ Review 6 : _**Glad you could find it in you to feel sorry for everyone lol, I couldn't decide who to feel worse for. I mean obviously Julie cause she's dying, but at least once she was out of the picture, she wasn't in pain anymore, so then I tried figuring out, who was in the most pain, but couldn't figure it out lol. **_Review 7 : _**I see you seem to be enjoying the rather depressing bits lol. I've never actually heard that expression 'chills with sadness', that's a new one lol. I'm glad Julie's death didn't shock you, I didn't want you to be too shocked by it, it might have spoilt the sadness lol. **_Review 8 : _**Actually while I was writing the whole Charlie having issues bit, I actually thought of you lol. I'm glad you still love him though, I couldn't stand it if I'd come between the worlds sweetest couple lol. **_Review 9 : _**I'm still struggling to believe you wrote 15 reviews all in one night lol. I don't think anyone at this point can help feeling sorry for Charlie, I definitely would lol. Oh yeah, I've come to accept you're a Charlie shipper and expect you stick with him no matter what lol. **_Review 10 : _**Arr I never realized how hard it might be for you to hear awful things about Charlie lol, but hey at least it's about Charlie right, I mean I could have easily made Guy or Adam or someone else take his position lol. Oh yeah, a smack up the side of the head is really gonna make him wanna stop drinking lol. But it might do though, cause if he's drunk, and you smack him, he wakes up with a headache, blames it on the alcohol instead of you lol. I think someone's wishful thinking there aren't you lol. **_Review 11 : _**Yeah I totally agree, I understand why Charlie's doing what he's doing, and that's why, I decided not to make him commit suicide – which had crossed my mind until I though NO, Chelsea will kill me lol. There's an awful lot of patting going on here lol. **_Review 12 : _**No, no, no, you are the one that's confused, it's ADAM that's the COOLEST, HOTTEST, GORGEOUSEST, BEST ever. He is, no arguments lol. I'm glad you have faith in Charlie's ability to be a good father, cause there was many a time, I wasn't so sure lol. **_Review 13 : _**Oh you knew did you, I bet ya did lol. Right well that's put me off the idea of making this a Connie/Adam, if you're gonna kick me lol. I'm sorry you're feeling the pain with Charlie, but I'm sure it'll give you something to talk about lol. I'm glad you've told me you adore this story, cause I was beginning to worry for a second there lol, only kidding lol. Glad you've got that trust I me, I'll have to try to redeem him for you, but it will be no easy task lol. **_Review 14 : _**Oh yes, You know I've missed writing this huge essay thank you thingy lol. Yeah, I'm always chuffed when you review, it makes me smile lol. Yes I will admit, you are the hugest Charlie fanatic I know, and I might allow myself to become a very close second, though Adam will always be my first lol. Yeah, I liked Connie's sarcastic reply to Charlie in this chapter, it sounded totally like I'd say to someone lol. **_Review 15 : _**I take it you approve of this chapter lol. I think that's my understatement of the year lol. I'm glad you think all the blood and sweat of writing 15 reviews in a row was worth it. When I was reading this review, I was actually bouncing around in my chair with you, how sad is that lol. I do have to admit, that at the beginning of this I was extremely tempted to make it a Connie/Adam, but then I thought God no, I've promised a Charlie/Connie, so here it is. I am actually planning another C/C, but not quite yet, I still have this and one more chapter left, before thoughts of my next story begin lol. I can't believe you stayed up while 1.30am, just to review, God you really are crazy lol, I'm surprised you didn't zonk out half way through lol. God this thank you thingy is HUGE, this'll have made you sleepy for sure lol. Anyways thank you SOOO much for reviewing ALL 15 chapters, you have no idea what it means to me. Anyways thanks for the support and REVIEWS. CHEERS MI DEARS!

MOSHIMORO6785 : Ahh, I like to shock people that way lol. I was however going to make it a Connie/Adam until I realized I'd promised Chelsea a Connie/Charlie lol. Anyways thanks for the support and review. CHEERS MI DEARS!

Chapter 16

Slowly I felt myself begin to drift into a gentle sleep. My husbands snoring had now stopped and unconsciously spooned me closer to him, where his breath warmed my neck, sending a tingling sensation down my spine. Just as I drifted further and further into my sleep, I heard a long loud wailing noise. Holly. I let out a heavy sigh, and got out of bed, before padding across the hall into her room. Holly had always been a pretty good baby, and woke up no more than twice a night, usually just after we'd got in bed then again about an hour before we got up.

"Holly, your timing sucks, just like your dad". I whispered, as I picked her up out of her crib.

As I rocked her gently, I could remember that night, when all I wanted to do, was sleep, but I had that much on my mind I couldn't. I remember pacing around in my flat until the early morning, trying to figure out why the hell I'd kissed Charlie.

After Holly settled, I went into Jonah's room, to check that he hadn't been awoken by Holly. He hadn't, he was in a deep sleep, his nose and mouth twitching every so often as he slept. I stood in the doorway for a few minutes just watching him as he slept. After a few minutes, I headed back to bed, where I eventually went to sleep.

_**FLASHBACK**_

I paced my living room, trying to figure out, why I'd kissed him. Why he'd kissed me. It made no sense. He was my best friends widower. It was like stealing her man, only worse because she wasn't here to stop me. He was my best friends husband, hell **he was** one of my best friends. What had possessed me to do such a thing. And the worse thing about it all, was the fact that I actually enjoyed it. God I hated myself right now.

I must have paced for another hour or so, trying to think why. Finally I decided that I wasn't going to come up with an answer, and tried to occupy myself, knowing I wouldn't get to sleep just yet. I remembered my mom had said Jamie had sent me an email. I immediately grabbed my laptop and plugged the phone line to it before logging on. There were a few emails in there. Mainly from the ducks, just wanting and giving updates. I ignored them, deciding to read them later. I found Jamie's email and opened it.

_Hey Sis!_

_How is everything back home? I'm gonna ring mom and dad in a bit so I'm pretty sure mom will fill you in on everything so I'll not bore you to death with everything that's going on. Though I will tell you Europe has got to be one of the most beautiful places on Earth. _

_Anyway, my main purpose for writing is to tell you about this opportunity over here. There's this big photography company over here, wanting photographers to come over here for 3 months + to take pictures of Europe's greatest landscapes for this catalogue thing that they're wanting to produce. Only the best pictures are chosen. Well anyway, not many people know about it, but if some of your pictures are taken they pay you for them. _

_So me and Colleen were thinking that maybe you'd like to come over here, spend at least 3 months with us, all expenses paid. I've even taken some photo's of the best places in France to help persuade you. Let me know what you think? And not just about the photo's : ) _

_Love Jamie and Colleen!_

I couldn't believe it. A free trip to Europe for 3 months. This was like the opportunity of a life time. I quickly glanced at the photo's but I knew straight away that Jamie hadn't taken them. I think I knew straight away that I had to go. Europe.

I rang Jamie excitedly, telling him that I would definitely go, and that Colleen had taken some good photo's. We organized between us the details, such as flights, and hotels. It took less than an hour to have everything organized. Jamie was going to book the next flight for me, of which he'd let me know straight away when it was.

By the time I'd gotten off the phone with him, I was so excited, I could have screamed. The whole fiasco with Charlie was the last thing on my mind. Jamie rang me back not long after and told me, my flight was booked for 3 days away. We didn't stay on the phone long, and after I finally put the phone down, I dashed into my room, and began packing. I was allowed 2 suitcases, and though Jamie had said bring clothes for chilly and warm weather, I knew I'd have plenty of space, plus some for anything I bought whilst over there.

I must have finally fallen asleep about 4am, though I didn't sleep for too long. I was wide awake again at turned 7am. I knew I had to go and tell my parents, Adam and Charlie about my trip. Arhh, the thought of Charlie brought back the problem I had conveniently forgotten. I knew I had to face him at some point, and I suppose I knew it had to be today. Though my first stop was my parents.

It was still pretty early, by the time I got there, but I knew my parents were up. I headed inside, and gradually slipped my news into the conversation. My dad was happy for me, but my mom was slightly dubious, well that was until I told her I'd be staying with Jamie and Colleen, of which then she was almost packing my bags for me.

My next stop was Adam's. As luck would have it, I pulled up, just as he was picking the mail up from the mail box. He greeted me the same as he always did. Molly, his girlfriend was in the kitchen, making some breakfast, she shouted her greeting to me, but allowed us to have some privacy. She had always seemed to stay out of the way whenever she felt the need to.

"Um, I wanted to be the one that told you, um, I'm going to Europe for 3 months". I told him.

"Wow, that's great. When do you leave"? He was clearly very happy for me.

"Tuesday". I replied.

"Tuesday. As in this Tuesday"? He was a little shocked.

"I know, I know it's a little short notice, but Jamie's over there, and it's this whole photography thing that's happening over there".

"Have you told Charlie yet"? He asked.

"No, not yet. I only found out early this morning, and well frankly, I can't help but think he's not exactly going to be ecstatic about it". I admitted. "How do you think I'm best doing this"?

"Just tell him straight, like ripping off a band aid". He told me.

"Tell you what, can't you just do it for me. You're so much better at things like this". I replied, hoping he would agree.

"Connie, it's not going to be that bad". He answered.

"What about Molly, she's pretty tough"… I began.

"Connie". He stopped me. "Ok, he might not like the news, but he doesn't own you". He said softly. "You deserve this, you've done enough for us all, over these passed few years. It's about time he stood on his own two feet. It isn't as though he's alone, he's got me, and Molly, I'm pretty sure if it was anything major he could go to your parents. Sophie looks after Jonah as well. He can get along without you for 3 months".

"Fine, but if this turns into a full on Charlie tantrum, I'm calling you up". I answered, smiling slightly.

"And I'll come". He laughed gently.

We sat and talked for a few more minutes, until I decided I ought to get going. I quickly shouted my goodbye to Molly, who was concentrating on not burning the eggs, but she still managed to come and say goodbye. Adam walked me to my car, where he reminded me to stay strong, not give in to him, and to walk out if he got into one of his 'tantrums' as we called them. He then told me to let him know how it went, before finally letting me drive away.

On the way over, I practiced in my head what I was going to say to him. To be honest, I knew it was going to be made even worse, as we had to talk about last night. There was no way, we could just go back to normal, without even talking our actions out. If I was bluntly honest with myself, over the past few hours, I had begun to think that my feelings toward Charlie had changed, but then another part of me kept telling me they hadn't, and wouldn't.

Before I realized it, I was pulling into the driveway. I slowly got out, and headed up to the front door, dreading every step. I opened the door, to find Sophie just about to take Jonah to the park. He waved his hand to me as he went passed, but he was far too excited to greet me properly.

"Charlie". I said loudly, after I closed the door behind Sophie.

"I'll be there in just a second". He shouted back.

I headed into the living room, choosing to sit down, before I fell down. My legs were shaking rapidly, but God only knows why. I soon realized my legs shook more when I sat down and I got up, before wandering around the living room. On the window sill, there was a recent picture of me, Charlie, Jonah, Adam and Molly. We'd gone to the beach one day, and were stood on the pier when the photo had been taken. I was stood to the left with 3 year old Jonah in my arms, Charlie's arm was around my shoulders, Adam was stood beside Charlie, his arms around Molly. Looking at the picture I couldn't help but think how close we'd gotten.

"Oh hey, it's you, I thought it was Sophie". Charlie stopped in the doorway.

"Yeah, it's me". I turned round and half smiled at him. "Listen, we need to talk". I told him, feeling very awkward.

"Yeah, I know". He replied.

Neither of wanted to start, we both just stood looking at each other awkwardly. I daren't keep eye contact with him too long incase I saw something like hate there. Then the thought occurred to me, that maybe, he had been up all night, feeling as though he'd betrayed Julie, a much as I had.

"Look, about last night. I, we shouldn't have. It was a mistake. I was awake nearly all night, thinking about it". I admitted, biting the bullet once and for all.

"I was up too. I thought I had betrayed Julie in some way. I mean you were her best friend". He told me, stepping a little further into the room.

"Exactly". I agreed.

"But I'm not betraying her." He told me suddenly.

"What"! I was now confused.

"When Julie was in hospital, she told me, that one day I'd find someone else, and I was to hold on to them with both hands. She told me she didn't care who it was, as long as they made me happy, and that they loved Jonah". He admitted. "I'm not betraying her".

"No you're not betraying her by wanting to move on Charlie. Julie wanted you to do that more than anything".

"Connie, for the past few weeks, my feelings toward you"…

"No Charlie, please, please don't". I knew what he was going to say, and didn't like where this was headed.

"I have to. I don't see you just as one of my friends anymore". He came closer to me, and I intuitively flinched away. "I think I might be falling in love with you". He grabbed my arm and gently pulled me back to face him.

"You, you can't be". I was crying now.

"I am". He whispered, brushing a few strands of hair that had stuck to my wet cheeks away.

Slowly he leant down and kissed me gently. I was too stunned to do much else other than stand there. When he pulled away after a few seconds, his eyes were locked with mine. I was still crying, tears pouring down my cheeks like a raging river. I struggled to find my voice, so stepped back slightly.

"I, I can't. Charlie, I'm going to Europe". I muttered, trying my hardest to stop the tears.

"Europe"? I nodded. "When"?

"Tuesday". I answered.

"When, when did you decide this"?

"This morning. Jamie's offered me to go stay over there with him".

"Don't go. Stay here". He asked softly.

"I can't Charlie. I have to go". I backed further away from him.

"Is this because of last night and what I just said"? He asked.

"No, it's, it's just something I have to do". I admitted and it was the truth. "But I think we need some time away from each other".

"So you're running". He accused. "It's what you've always been best at. You run from every opportunity to be happy". He told me.

"That's rich coming from you". I snapped back.

"Fine, you go. It isn't going to change the way I feel".

"I never said it would. But I need this time to think everything through. I need some time for myself. I've been wrapped up in everyone else for the past few years, and I can't anymore". And with that, I left, tears continuing to pour down my cheeks.

I didn't know where to go. I didn't really want to go home and be alone, with the possibility of Charlie coming round. I didn't want to go to Adam's looking the way I did. If I went to my mom's looking the way I did, she'd only worry. I headed to the only place I knew I would get some peace and quiet. I went into the silent building, thankful that I was known by the entrance clerk. Within a few seconds, I was out there skating, taking all my frustration out on the ice. I just kept doing laps of the rink, not really paying attention to the time or how many times I'd been around.

"Take it he didn't take the news well"? I heard a voice from over by the penalty box. I turned to look who it was, to find Adam. I tried wiping at my cheeks, to rid of any evidence of my previous tears, that had still continued spilling my first few minutes on the ice. "What's he said? I'll kill him". He noticed my tear stained cheeks straight away and he backed away slightly.

"Adam no". I replied. "I wasn't crying because of what he said about Europe". I told him, immediately seeing the anger disappear from his face, and confusion replace it.

"Come and sit down". He guided me to the bleachers. "What happened"? He asked gently.

"Last night, when Charlie came home, when I left, we kissed". I broke down in tears again. "I didn't mean to, then this morning, when I went to tell Charlie about Europe, I knew we'd have to talk about the kiss, but he said he didn't regret it, and that he thought he was falling in love with me". I cried.

"An how do you feel about him"? He asked softly, wrapping his arms around me in comfort.

"I don't know. One minute he's a best friend, a best friend whose just lost his wife, then the next minute everythings different". I answered, more tears falling from my eyes. "I know things aren't the same between us like they used to be, but I don't know, I don't know whether I feel anything for him in that way, or whether it's just loneliness".

"Listen. Maybe this trip to Europe's come along at the right time. You both could do with sometime apart, you to figure out if what you're feeling for Charlie is love, and for Charlie to figure out whether he really wants to be with you, or whether it's loneliness".

I left about half an hour before the team practice, not really wanting to see Charlie again. I went to see Julie, knowing it was something I felt I needed to do. I sat beside her headstone, leaning slightly on the side, as I let the peace and tranquility that I always felt when I was there, wash over me.

"Hey Jules. I just thought I'd pop by for some advice. You always knew exactly what to do in every situation. I wish I were more like you. I never meant to betray you, it wasn't something I planned. But I do think I have some kind of feelings for Charlie. I don't know whether it's love, or just something else, but I do know things have changed between us. I can't help but feel as though I'm betraying you, he's your husband, and if you hadn't gone, I know he would still be with you. I don't know what to do Jules. No matter what, things can never go back to the way they were between us, Charlie's made that very clear". I spoke softly. "Anyway, um, this'll be my last visit for a while, because I'm going to Europe to see Jamie and Colleen for 3 months, and do this whole photography thing their doing over there. I promise, as soon as I come home, I'll come and see you and tell you all about it". I began to stand feeling a little better about everything. "See you soon. Love you". And with that I walked away.

The next day went by in a blur, I was trying to get everything ready for tomorrow. Honestly, I hadn't really given myself anytime to even think about the situation with Charlie. Maybe Adam was right, maybe, time away from him would clear my head a little. I slowly started to realized, that if I did have feelings for Charlie, I wasn't particularly betraying Julie, as, I knew she'd be happy if we were happy.

_**END FLASHBACK**_

The thoughts of betraying her stayed with me for quite some time. It was always in the back of my mind. Maybe it was because I always wondered, what would have happened if she'd still have been here, or if she could tell us what she thought, what exactly it would be.

So what do you think? PLEASE R&R!


	17. Chapter 17

Disclaimer : I don't own anything so there!

**DEDICATED TO SARAH, BECAUSE SHE'S BEEN WITH ME EVERY SINGLE CHAPTER , AND C-CHAN96 – BECAUSE SHE REVIEWED EVERY SINGLE CHAPTER IN 1 GO LOL.**

MEME-ANN : She has to leave though, I mean c'mon giving Europe is a big deal, and it ain't as though she's going forever. Correct me if I'm wrong, it was you and Chelsea, that suggested a C/C fic, and I just kept my promise lol. Yeah Connie and Charlie are cute together, though I will admit, I also LOVE Connie/Adam fics, they're another good pairing lol. Anyways thanks for the support and review. CHEERS MI DEARS!

C-CHAN96 : I've got a sneaky feeling this is going to be one of those long shout out thingy's again lol. Not that I mind since it makes my chapter look even longer than it is lol. Diehard DC fan eh, I only ever watched a few episodes here and there, but I did watch the final one, whilst crying my eyes out might I admit. Personally though, I thought Joey should have ended up with Dawson. Jen I thought suited Pacey better, but who am I to say lol. I won't tell Connie about you and Charlie if you don't tell her about me and Adam. She's a bit selfish don't ya think, wanting all 3 lol. Yeah, totally agree, it'd be a bit hard for Connie to have a family with Charlie if he happened to be absent, but miracles can happen lol. You wouldn't kill me would ya, I mean think bout it, kill me and no-more Charlie/Connie stories lol. Oh no, no, no, Charlie isn't, it's totally ADAM! Don't argue, I'm telling you, just cause you're jealous lol. I can't actually picture any of the ducks being bad parents to be honest, I suppose I could have a go, but I don't think it would turn out that good lol. Well that's good, at least you have a purpose in life, everyone needs one, and if anyone ever says you haven't, you can always inform them that you have lol. I bet you were still tired, I'd probably have needed a week to recover lol. By all rights, there should be people chasing us with straight jackets don't you think? Lol. You wouldn't begrudge Connie the trip of a lifetime would you, can't blame the poor girl with everything she's had to put up with, bless her lol. Oh, you know they'll end up together do you? Might have to change the ending now just to prove you wrong lol, I could kill Connie instead lol, nah, that's a little cruel even for me lol. I've already killed one person, two would be pushing it don't you agree lol. You're waiting is over, the chapter is here, but sadly it is the last one :( but I'm sure you'll get over it lol. Anyways thanks for the support and review. CHEERS MI DEARS!

XSARAH : Adam's great isn't he. I want a friend just like him, though I probably wouldn't want to stay 'just friends' for long though lol. Anyways thanks for the support and review. CHEERS MI DEARS!

Chapter 17 - FINAL CHAPTER

I woke the following morning, the bed empty beside me. I turned to look at the clock and realized it was already 8am. I'd have normally been up nearly 2 hours by now. Curiously, I crept out of bed, checking both Jonah's and Holly's rooms as I headed toward the stairs. They were both empty and I surmised Charlie had them both down stairs. I walked into the kitchen to find Jonah just finishing his breakfast, and Holly was sat in Charlie's arms, finishing her bottle off.

I watched them secretly for a few seconds. Never in my wildest dreams had I expected my life to end up like this.

_**FLASHBACK**_

The following morning, I headed over to my mom and dad's to say goodbye to them. I spent about half an hour with them, ensuring them both that I was going to be fine, and that Jamie and Colleen were picking me up at the other end. I left, my mom in tears making me promise to let them know that I got there safely, and I'd keep myself safe.

I headed straight back home, for another hour before it was time to head off to the airport. Adam was supposedly coming round with Molly anytime soon to say his goodbye, and to probably warn me of the same things both my parents had done. I wasn't really expecting Charlie to come, but I was hoping to see Jonah before I left.

With a sigh, I climbed the last few stairs, before going to unlock my apartment door. I walked in, tossed my keys on the sideboard, before heading straight to sit down on the couch.

"BON VOYAGE"! Banners and balloons popped out from no-where followed by about 12 people.

"HOLY CRAP". I screamed in shock. "What are you guys doing here". I hugged the first duck in line which happened to be Dwayne.

"Do you really think we'd let you go off to Europe without seeing you off, Duck style". Luis hugged me next.

"CONNIE"!. Jonah screamed, as he squirmed through the sea of legs.

"Hey little man". I scooped him up into my arms. "No Charlie I take it". I looked at Adam, and he shook his head dismally. "Can't say I'm surprised".

For the following hour, I visited with all the ducks, mainly having lectures about looking after myself given to me. I couldn't believe they'd all flown out again, just to come and see me before I left. I had no idea what I'd done to deserve such amazing friends. Just before I was due to set off, I slipped into my bedroom, and sat on the edge of my bed. I reached over for the phone, before cautiously dialing a number I knew like the back of my hand.

"Hi, you've reached Charlie and Jonah and sometimes Connie. We're not in right now, so leave a message and we'll get back to you". Then a loud piercing beep sounded.

"Look Charlie, if you're there please, just pick up". I spoke softly, hoping he would pick up. After a few seconds, I realized he wouldn't. "Ok, well um, I'm setting off in a few minutes. I just wanted to tell you I'm sorry about the other day, and um, I know that what you told me was the truth, but you have to understand that I need some time to think everything through, and figure out my feelings for you. Um, I guess I'll see you in 3 months. I'll call and see how you're both doing. For the record, I do love you, I love you very much, I just need some time. Bye". And with that I put the phone down with a sigh.

"Didn't pick up, huh"? Adam asked from the doorway. I shook my head disappointed. "He'll come around". He came and sat beside me.

"Will he"? I looked at him questioningly. "I wish I had your optimism". I nudged him gently with my shoulder. "C'mon, I best get going, otherwise I'll never want to leave". I stood up, and headed back into the living room.

There was a cab waiting for me outside. Portman and Fulton helped me down with my suitcases and Averman had hold of my carry on. Jonah was in my arms, his arms wrapped tightly around my neck, not wanting to let me go.

"Right, have you got your ticket"? Goldberg asked me.

"No". I answered.

"WHAT"! Came 11 panicked replies.

"I've got to pick it up at the airport, remember Jamie booked the flight for me". I replied. "And before you ask, my passport is in my carry on, as well as all emergency contact numbers". I informed them.

I began saying my goodbyes to everyone, feeling slightly emotional as I did so. Though I knew I would only be away for 3 months, it was still a long time, and it wasn't as though it was a 5 minute journey away. It was almost a 12 hour flight. I had said all my goodbyes with Jonah still sat on one hip.

"Right then little man, I have to go". I told him gently, giving him a quick squeeze before trying to prize him away from myself.

"No. I want to stay with you". He whimpered immediately, as big tears entered his eyes as well as my own.

"I wish you could, but you can't. You have to stay here and look after daddy. He'll miss you loads". I continued trying to prize him away.

"You stay then". The tears spilt.

"I'll be back before you know it. I'll call you every few days I promise". I finally got him to let go.

"I love you". He cried.

"I love you too". And with that, I passed him to Adam and climbed in the cab, wiping my tears away.

As we drove away, I turned and waved to everyone, feeling a slight pang as they suddenly disappeared from sight. Jonah's face was clear in my mind, his tears running down his cheeks, as though I'd just broken his heart. By the time I turned back around, tears continued to fill my eyes, and were threatening to spill. I was half tempted to make the driver pull over and let me get out and head back to them.

"So, you going anywhere interesting"? The cab driver struck up conversation.

"Um, Europe". I replied simply.

"Sounds pretty nice. You going for long"?

"3 months". I answered.

"You got plenty of friends anyway. Are they gonna help your husband look after your little boy"?

"I'm not married, and he's not my little boy".

"Oh". Was the drivers reply.

The rest of the trip was made in silence. I starred out of the window, trying to remember all the sights, I wouldn't see for 3 months. When we got to the airport, the driver, helped me get my suitcases onto a trolley, and I paid him my fair, before he wished me a good time in Europe.

I headed through the maze of people, dodging people wherever I could. The main area of the airport was jam packed with people, that most were ignorant to your existence. When I got further toward my gate, it quietened down a little. I headed straight for the check in desk, where I apparently needed to go, to collect my ticket. After filling in all the appropriate things, the man handed me my ticket, and took my suitcases from me, before directing me to where I was to wait. I checked my watch, and noticed there was only another 10 minutes until I was due to board.

"CONNIE"! I heard my name being called. I looked around and saw no-one I recognized, before realizing they can't have been shouting me. "CONNIE"! I heard again. This time, I stood, trying to look over everyone's heads. "Connie". I heard, yet this time they weren't shouting. I turned around sharply to the sound of the voice.

"Charlie". I sighed dejectedly, not really wanting or needing to go into another argument with him.

"I couldn't let you go without saying goodbye". He told me. "We've been through too much to let what I said spoil what we've already got". He admitted.

"You got my message". I figured he'd heard me say that I loved him, and changed his mind about being ok with me leaving.

"No, what message"? He questioned.

"The one I left on your answering machine before I left my place". I answered him, the thought of him just saying no for the sake of it, crossed my mind.

"That was you. I was just leaving the house to come and see you, when it started ringing. I thought it might have been Adam or one of the others calling to try and change my mind".

"Why did you change your mind"? I asked curiously.

"I went to see Jules. Just sat there talking to her"…

"FLIGHT 238 MINNESOTA TO FRANCE IS NOW BOARDING. PLEASE HAVE YOUR TICKET AND PASSPORT READY FOR INSPECTION THANK-YOU. THAT'S FLIGHT 238 MINNESOTA TO FRANCE IS NOW BOARDING". A crackly voice said over the loud speaker.

"That's me". I said suddenly.

"Let me finish first, please". He pleaded. "I realized, I'd already lost someone I loved, and I don't want to lose you too. I know you might not reciprocate the feelings I blurted out to you, but"…

"I do though". I butted in quietly.

"I'm sorry, I shouldn't have said those things and expected you to feel the same way"…

"I love you too Charlie". I repeated.

"So, I was hoping when you came home, we could just go back"… He looked at me, as if trying to figure out whether he'd heard me right. "What… what did you just say"?

My flight was called again, butting in before I managed to repeat myself.

"I said, I love you too". I repeated for what I hoped was the final time.

As soon as my words registered, he pulled me toward him, gripping me into a tight hug. After a few seconds, he pulled away and gently kissed me. If it had been a cartoon, there would have been fireworks exploding in the back ground.

"I'm not saying that it's gonna be easy or anything, and I'm not saying I want to dive straight into a relationship or anything". I told him, as I pulled away gently.

"That's ok. We'll take it a step at a time". He told me, a smile playing gently on his lips. "C'mon, let's go see if we can get your luggage off the plane". He took my hand and began trying to lead me away.

"Charlie. No. I'm still going". I told him, pulling back.

"What"? He turned to face me.

"I'm not staying. I'm going to Europe".

"But… But what about, what you've just said"?

"It still stands. But I also think we need some time away from each other. I need this time, for me". I informed him.

"FINAL BOARDING CALL FOR FLIGHT 238 MINNESOTA TO FRANCE. I REPEAT FINAL CALL FOR FLIGHT 238 MINNESOTA TO FRANCE". The loud speaker informed us.

"Please don't go". He asked me, gripping my hand tightly.

"I have to Charlie. I still mean everything I said. We'll talk some more when I come home". I leant up and kissed him gently on his cheek.

"3 months. I'll be here waiting for you". He told me confidently.

"I'll call you all the time". I promised him, before I finally let go of his hand, and headed to the gate. I looked back once, seeing him still stood there. I handed the woman my ticket and passport, then took my passport back, and boarded, knowing he'd stay true to his word and be waiting for me when I got back. As I sat on the plane, I was so happy, that he'd come, because in all honesty, I don't think I'd feel the way I did right this second about him, if he hadn't.

I spent 2 months traveling Europe with Jamie and Colleen, taking millions of different pictures of landscapes and local events. I think the highlight of my trip, was the Berlin love parade, where I went through more than 10 films. Half way through my 2nd month, I was more than ready to head back home. As I promised, I rang the ducks regularly, updating them on the places I had been, and the places I was planning on going.

I was now quite a deep brown tanned colour, my hair was slowly getting lighter with the rays from the sun. I had completely filled 1 ½ suitcases with my own clothes I had brought from home, and the clothes I had bought over here. The last half of my suitcase was filled with 11 Hawaiian style shirts, though they were covered with the duck emblem. I had found a guy in Spain that designed shirts and after showing him a photo of the ducks, and my duck jersey I had taken with me, he had gladly designed the shirts. I had also bought Jonah a miniature version of the shirts, among other things as I knew it was only a few days away from his birthday.

Just thinking of his birthday made me homesick. I had NEVER missed one of his birthday. After a sleepless night thinking about nothing other than missing Jonah's birthday, and missing everyone back home, I made the decision to fly home on the next available flight. The following morning I told Jamie and Colleen about my plans. Jamie informed me, that if I wanted paying for my photo's I'd have to stay the full 3 months. On the spot I gave all my photo's to Colleen, and told her to hand them in, as though they were her own, and to keep the money for what I owed them for everything. Though they both thought it would be best if I stayed, they finally agreed, that if I wanted to go home, then I should.

I left 2 days later, headed for home. I worked it out, I'd get home, just in time for Jonah's birthday. I knew Charlie was throwing him a birthday party. It was hard to believe he would be 5 years old. Throughout my whole flight, I was wide awake, not being able to wait to see everyone again. I must have fallen asleep on the flight, waking up just in time to put my seatbelt back on for landing.

I rushed through baggage collections and customs, before racing toward the taxi rank. Eventually it was my turn to get in a taxi and I dove in, dragging my bags behind me, before telling him the address. As he was driving, I noticed the time, it was nearly 3pm, the day of Jonah's birthday. Before I knew it, I was paying the driver, grabbing my two carry on bags and two suitcases, before dashing up the front path, hearing the loud pitched shrieking of children. I barged into the front door, feeling it swing open, with the sudden opening of the door, I went flying landing on my front. By now the shrieking had stopped, and I saw at least 11 pairs of feet heading toward me.

"I'M HOME"! I yelled as I scrambled to my feet.

"Connie"? I heard a few voices question, then Goldberg's arms wrap around me, followed by another 10 people.

"The one and only". I smiled.

"CONNIE"! Jonah screamed as he bounded toward me. As he reached me, I lifted him into my arms.

"Hey you, happy birthday". I gave him a kiss.

"What are you doing home, you're not supposed to be back for another 2 weeks". Adam asked.

"You think I'd miss the birthday party of the year". I put Jonah down, and he immediately scrambled off to play with his friends.

"When did you decide to come home"? Averman asked as I had a round of hugs, but this time, it was one duck at a time.

"Um 2 days ago". I declared.

I walked into the living room, being met by my parents, Charlie's mom, Coach Bombay and Coach Orion. Again we went through the whole questions and hugs, before I finally sat down. I noticed Charlie looking at me every so often, but I also knew that neither my parents, his mom and Coach Bombay and Orion, knew anything about what was going on between us, and I didn't particularly think Jonah's birthday was the time to do it.

"But what about your photo's. Hadn't you got to stay in Europe for the full 3 months"? My mom asked.

"Yeah, I was meant too. But Colleen's gonna hand them in, and I've told them to keep the money". I informed them.

"Yeah, but wasn't this supposed to be a big career starter for you"? Casey questioned.

"It still can be. You see I still have the negatives, and a copy of the photo's".

I pulled all my photo's out from one of my carry on bags. I watched proudly as they each looked at every picture I'd taken. To be honest, I thought many of the photo's were my finest work. After they'd looked at them all, I started giving out the gifts I'd brought back. I gave my mom and Casey pure leather hand bags from Germany along with some maraca's from Spain. For my dad, Orion and Bombay I had bought a shirt with different foreign phrases on the front, and the English meaning on the back. After giving those out, I proudly presented the Hawaiian style shirts I'd bought for the guys. To say they were thrilled with them was an understatement.

Later that evening, after nearly everyone had left, I began falling asleep on the couch, jet lag finally catching me up. I could vaguely remember my dad asking if I wanted a lift home, but I can't remember giving him an answer. I awoke about 10.30, to find Charlie sat watching a hockey game.

"How long have I been asleep"? I mumbled, as I slowly pushed myself into a sitting position.

"A few hours". He replied, turning the TV off, and coming and sitting on the coffee table opposite me.

"You should have woke me". I told him.

"You looked like you needed it". He replied. "Look, stay here tonight, it's too late to be going home on your own".

"Thanks". I answered getting up. "I'm sorry about today, I knew I said we'd talk as soon as I got back".

"We can talk to tomorrow". He answered.

"Night". I leant forward, kissed him gently, then headed upstairs.

The following day we talked about everything, and decided to give us a try, though taking it step by step. Over the next few years we got closer still. A few weeks after we'd talked, we stopped hiding behind closed doors, and though there was speculation and gossip at the time, we overcame that. A year later, I moved in properly with Charlie and Jonah. By the time we had been dating 2 years, I was nearly 27, and Charlie was 28. He proposed of which I happily accepted. Over the next 6 months, we organized the small ceremony, inviting close family and obviously the ducks. At 28, I became pregnant with Holly. We were both over the moon, though slightly worried at how 7 year old Jonah would take the news. He however was more excited than us at having the prospect at having a little brother, saying if it was a girl, we were sending her back. Though as soon as she came, he became protective big brother.

_**END FLASHBACK**_

So that was how I became a mother, and stepmother by the age of 29. Although I often thought about how Julie would have reacted to all this, I always knew in the back of my mind, that wherever she was, she was looking down on us, a big proud smile on her face.

So what do you think? PLEASE R&R!


End file.
